Conqueress

Voting

2012-01-12T19:26:00.000-08:00

If you don't vote - you don't have the right to an opinion. If you do, you damn well better research what/who you are voting in... and I don't mean what television tells you. The only way to save our great country is to create a revolution of educated voters taking a stand. God help us all.

My recommendation? VOTE RON PAUL!!!

Wild ride!

2011-07-26T20:10:00.001-07:00

2007 - Arm loans turn into defaults. People are kicked out of their homes as banks foreclose. The economy goes into the dump.

2010 - Obama says: Lets stand up a credit protection bureau without congressional approval, and work on educating Americans to get out of debt!

2011 - *MEANWHILE IN WASHINGTON* Lets get the United States into a shit-ton of debt that can never be recovered from!

Meh - we'll be fine. We can't all get kicked out of our own country, right?

Frightening Times

2011-04-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

Government shutdown... all because a bunch of politicians are playing the "my cock is bigger than yours" game. If you haven't already figured out how I feel, I think the government needs to cut spending.

YES - by not providing support to people who are not citizens.
YES - at the risk of the under-privileged.
ABSOLUTELY - by ELIMINATING NON-ESSENTIAL government jobs.
(i.e. Does the First Lady really need 48 assistants? Why are there 1,800 attorneys with the IRS? Why are government contractors building "photo pages" for sharing pics from government picnics?)

Seriously. This is why America is in debt. People want to go to work without working...

We need a good, old-fashioned, worldwide plague. Obliterate at least 70% of the population.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2010-12-24T16:28:00.001-08:00

Looking back at this year, I realize I've been too busy to write down my feelings here. I don't have many people I talk to about things going on in my head... so I just allow my work to consume me and I forget about the things I'm thinking and feeling.

Today I vowed to spend my time cooking, relaxing, and thinking. I got up this morning and prepped a nice little 10-pound turkey with my hubby. We put it in the oven, and I got on the computer to play some games. At 3:00, I started sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, & garlic cheddar mashed potatoes. By 4:00, we pulled the turkey out of the oven, and my hubby carved away while I finished up the side dishes. Everything was so YUMMY!

Now I'm sitting and enjoying my snuggly, sleepy kitties - reflecting on 2010.

We were very blessed this year to have good health and no bad news in either of our families. We did some major world traveling to Europe. My home business grew to a storefront and is thriving. Our marriage is stronger than ever and we are quickly approaching 8 years together. I'm thankful for the good friends we have that make it possible for us to just be who we are.

Merry Christmas (or Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Muharram, or whatever you are celebrating) and Happy New Year!!!

Four-Wheel Drive

2010-12-22T15:52:00.000-08:00

The things I love about Colorado outweigh the things I hate... but this time of year brings out a frustration which I can't help but voice.

WHYWHYWHY do people think that having a 4-wheel drive vehicle means they can drive however they want?

So to those people, I want to ask the following:

Are you an idiot?
Do you have a God complex?
Perhaps it's a Napoleon complex?
Were you dropped on your head as a child?
What part of "icy conditions" do you not comprehend?
Do you actually think 4-wheel drive means 4-wheel stop?
When you slide through an intersection... do you think it's a fluke?
Is your wang so small that you must drive like an ass in any kind of weather?
How does it feel to smash a small car with your big, overcompensating vehicle?

The next snow storm / icy weather that comes your way... try driving 10-15 under the speed limit, and leave home early so you don't have to drive like a dick to get to where you're going on time.

Holidays

2010-11-26T16:08:00.000-08:00

I have been becoming less of a fan of the holidays over the last few years. The biggest reason? The in-laws.

My husband and I have become the afterthought because we are the only people who don't have kids. We try to be proactive... we make calls and send e-mails. We ask if anyone has made plans, or if anyone is wanting to host something, and we never get responses.

Then events are coordinated without including us, and we get a call a few days before telling us where to be and when. It always involves us driving for hours to someone else's house, and when we arrive we get the, "I'm so glad you could make it! It really is easier for you to make the trip here than for anyone to come see you." Yeah. I know. Thanks.

This year we decided that we would make the trip for Thanksgiving, and offer to host Christmas at our house. We drove for 4 hours to have turkey lunch with his family, and as we were getting ready to leave - the question came, "Do you have plans for Christmas?" My husband answered, "Well actually, we're going to stay home. We'd love to host Christmas dinner this year for everyone!" To which his mother said, "With these grandbabies, I can't imagine doing Christmas anywhere but here." He said to me, "I guess we'll have dinner just the two of us!"

I doubt there will be any change of plans...

Wheat Montana = Awful Irony

2010-01-16T14:47:00.000-08:00

Okay - so whenever we travel home to Montana, we drive past the headquarters for Wheat Montana in Three Forks. Over the past decade they have grown from having a bakery in a small town, to having delis all over the state and a product line available nationwide. Their business concept is solid - work with Northwestern farmers to buy wheat, make custom breads and packaged wheat products, then sell products via their storefronts and retailers like Wal-Mart.

So here's where my issues with Wheat Montana come in. Let's do a re-wind.

Before I was born my dad was a Regional Engineer for a nationwide bakery chain. He had dedicated years to building large-scale bakeries (think 100,000 loaves of bread per day) from the ground up, training the men who would maintain the equipment, then traveling to a new location and doing it again. My dad knew the schematics of each bakery by heart before the foundation was poured... and he knew how to get the equipment installed ahead of schedule. He loved his work, but he also loved his family and by traveling so much he one day realized he was missing out on family life.

Together my mom and dad took a leap of faith. They sold their home, bought some land on the Western side of Montana, and built their dream home in the woods on a mountain...

My mother began working as a teacher's aide, my father got into working construction (sometimes calls came in for him to travel and help his old company with bakery remodels). Money was tight, but it was well managed. We shopped for clothes at Goodwill, bought groceries in bulk, and I worked to have money to participate in school programs (I bought my own uniforms, paid for gas - nothing was covered by the school district).

There was a point I began having some health problems. I had no stamina for sports, I was blacking out, there were indescribable chest pains, and I was losing feeling in my arms and legs occasionally. A visit to the doctor led to referral to a heart specialist... I seemed to be in good physical condition, but he said my heartbeat "sounded irregular".

Specialists weren't covered by our insurance, so dad needed to make some more money in order to cover tests that were being recommended for me. Dad made a few calls, and soon heard from an old friend at the big bakery. An associate bakery in Three Forks was having equipment problems... something right in line with dad's expertise. The friend said the bakery admitted they hadn't been maintaining some of the equipment, they needed to do an expansion, and they had no idea where to start.

With a couple of more phone calls, dad packed up a small suitcase and traveled 4 hours to the small town to see how he could help out. After a full day of fixing a few problems and talking with the bakery owner, Dad had about 5 weeks worth of work ahead of him. He was going to be doing installation on 3 new pieces of equipment, overseeing the electrical, handling maintenance on equipment, and working as a full-time employee 5-days a week to ensure everything would get done. Since my father knew what parts were needed and where to order everything from for repairs and maintenance, the owner simply asked dad to put it on his credit card and make it a part of the bill. They locked in the plan with a handshake, and dad checked in to the local motel, then called my mother and gave the go-ahead for her to schedule my tests knowing the money would be coming in to cover things.

Two days later I was lying in the hospital having ECGs, PET scans, and all different types of diodes hooked up to my chest to try to find out what was going on. Then the waiting began.

In the meantime, Dad bought about $3,000 worth of parts and supplies for Wheat Montana. He was working full time, then coming home each weekend to be with the family. Three weeks in to the project he submitted his first invoice which included the parts he had ordered. The owner only paid labor, apparently because he wanted to be sure all of the parts Dad ordered were used. Reasonable enough.

Test results were confirming I indeed had an irregular heartbeat, but even the specialists were unsure if it was a deformity in my heart or something being caused by my brain...

Dad finished the project for Wheat Montana. Machinery had been restored, cleaned, rewired to meet safety standards, new equipment was installed and running swimmingly, and the owner gave Dad a pat on the back. The closing invoice was submitted, and Dad was to pick up his final check the following morning before leaving Three Forks to come home.

The next morning came, dad stopped in at Wheat Montana, and picked up the check. As he opened it, he noticed it was again only for labor and not the parts or hotel. He asked to speak to the owner, who was nowhere to be found for the first time since Dad had started the project. The secretary made a few calls, and Dad was finally told that it was an honest mistake and that a second check would be dropped in the mail that afternoon once the owner came in to sign it.

A few days went by, no check. Dad called again. He was told that things had gotten busy, and it was overlooked, but would go out the next day. A week passed, no check. Mom called. She was told that the check wasn't cut before the owner went on vacation, so it would go out once he got back into Montana. A month passed, no check.

Then Dad got a call from the owner. He asked Dad to come back to Wheat Montana to help with making a change to one of the new pieces of equipment... and to straighten out the outstanding bill. It would just be a couple of days work, but with interest charges coming in on the credit card, and the bills for my hospital tests were showing up, so dad couldn't say no.

He traveled again to Three Forks, and made the changes, and set an appointment to sit down and talk with the owner about future business practice beyond settling up the invoice. The owner mysteriously forgot the appointment, dad came home - - this time without receiving money for the most recent hotel stay or labor, on top of the past balance.

Another round of calls and promises happened, and my parents looked into filing a small-claims case against Wheat Montana, but with the money they were already out they were afraid to file and lose since there wasn't a contract - only that first handshake. Mom and Dad took money out of their small retirement fund to pay the bills so they wouldn't lose the house.

I was finally diagnosed with a disorder that can happen when a teenager grows too quickly... a combination of the body's reaction to hormonal changes and stress on the body causing a heart flutter. My symptoms would eventually pass.

Wheat Montana took my family for over $4,000... and the owner was awarded the "Montana Family Owned Business of the Year" the next summer.

Well yeah... he's done amazing things for Montana farmers, for without their product he wouldn't be in business. As for people he considers expendable, he doesn't care if he throws them out like trash. As long as he can take his spoiled kids on trips to Hawaii, it doesn't matter that he sucks the finances away from struggling families by not fulfilling his agreements. If he gets to sit in his shiny new pickup, the world is great - while he crushes the spirits of small businesses that are where he was 20 years ago.

Everyone gets theirs in the end, though. I can only recommend that if you shake his hand, you make him sign a contract immediately afterward... because he is completely incapable of doing business the way it used to be done.

WoW - My Brain is Fried

2009-12-29T23:30:00.000-08:00

World of Warcraft is an addiction. I say this because I'm surrounded by people who suffer from it. I have a guy friend who only met women to date online via the game. I know a guy who doesn't share a bed with his wife anymore because they work opposite hours and play until they can hardly stay awake... thus missing each other face-to-face 6 of 7 days of the week. There is a couple I know who put their kids to bed early to get online and play. I have seen marriages break up... I have seen people enter into affairs... I've watched children grow while their parents were glued to the monitor... and I'm trying so hard to not become a part of it.

Why is it so popular? It's a way to escape. The economy is bad, prices are going up, incomes are going down, and on WoW you can be someone else for the low price of $15.00 a month. You can slay mobs of creatures with the click of a finger, and become a highly sought-after master crafter who always has work to do and money coming in, and meeting new people is as easy as saying "LFG! (Looking For Group)".

Now I'm realizing I haven't posted to my blog in nearly a month (yeah - I was traveling), but since I've been home I've been playing because it's easy. So I'm breaking the habit... it's just a matter of willpower and I'm a strong woman. So it begins!

Yay Thanksgiving!

2009-11-11T18:25:00.000-08:00

My husband's sister had a baby this spring... Isabella. She was born premature and is prone to sickness. His sister doesn't want anyone around the baby without them having a full spectrum of flu shots (very understandable since the baby could get sick very easily). Neither my husband nor I believed that getting the H1N1 shot was a good idea since it was churned out so quickly without much testing... so we probably won't get to see the little one until she's a year old.

Additionally, my husband's brother fathered a little girl who he now has nothing to do with... Lavender. I've never met my husband's brother, and the guy is just a jerk to the family, so I don't care to. Regardless, she's another baby that's a part of the family!

Normally we host Thanksgiving, so I got in touch with the rest of the family to see what the plans were for Thanksgiving and Christmas to just get everyone on the same page. We have a wedding to go to for my oldest niece in December, so we knew Thanksgiving was our only chance to see everyone. I was hoping we could again host to at least see my husband's mother & step-father, and Lavender and her mother.

I love my mother-in-law, but I did get kind of a punch in the gut with this phone call. She said, "You know, I just want to spend every holiday with these new babies since I am finally a grandma. Let's just not worry about Thanksgiving or Christmas, and we'll get together sometime down the road." I kind of knew it would come to that when someone had a baby.

So Thanksgiving has gone from being the standard family thing... to just us. I think we'll be hanging out with friends the night before, but I've bought a small turkey, and all the fixings, and we'll be enjoying the long weekend as just the two of us.

The Details!

2009-10-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

So over the past few months I've been working with a new client. He is a jewelry designer... so he sketches up designs, hires me to create the gemstones, and works with the lowest bidder on gold work to create his pieces. He's a nice guy, but I'm learning more about my abilities (and patience) since becoming associated with him.

#1. I can describe a color to a person who understands color, and we will be able to visualize the same thing. If I say "Root Beer" they will imagine the color of a Root Beer soda in a glass with light shining through. If I say "Bubble Gum" they will imagine the color of a Watermelon Jolly Rancher. However, if say either of those terms to a non-color person (someone who doesn't really care about color) - this will visualize Brown and Pink like the color of construction paper.

#2. I have the ability to remove 2/100's of a millimeter of material from the girdle of a gemstone with precision BY HAND. I have had to do this one 3 separate occasions because a jeweler my client works with is obsessive about measurements.

#3. The statement, "80% of you clients will take up 20% of your time, and 20% of your clients will take up 80% of your time, " rings true in this business. The 20% that take up 80% of my time are designers... and they are all Prima Donnas!

#4. At my age with my stubbornness... I can only be self-employed. I've got an opinion, and therefore will share it. If it's politics, siblings, religion, fashion, children, legislation, firearms, food, or anything else I have experience with... if you want to make conversation I will give you a piece of my mind.

So yeah. It's time for me to get back to working on a Lemon Citrine.

Chewing on Racism

2009-09-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much fed up with all this reverse-racism, misled religious hatred, and general douchery occurring in the United States right now. I'm proud of my heritage... and because I was born into a Conservative Caucasian background, I'm automatically flagged as a racist thanks to the current government administration.

My great-grandparents on my dad's side of the family immigrated to the US through Ellis Island from Ireland. Due to the anti-Irish movement at the time, they listed their heritage as Scotch-Irish... and it was a wise move. My family was able to get a loan for a farm where they raised cattle for 3 generations.

My great-grandparents on my mom's side all immigrated from Norway as merchants and ministers. My grandmother told me stories of her grandmother not ever being able to speak English, so everyone had to know Dutch until she passed away... then everyone forgot how to speak it.

I'm proud that my family came to the US, became citizens via the process at the time, and made their way through their own struggles by their own hands.

So here's one for you, Obama. I don't like you because you're making rash decisions too quickly. I don't appreciate that you want to make things happen while your party can filibuster, instead of coming up plans that BOTH parties can mostly agree on and everyone can vote through BECAUSE they agree. If things were done well, they wouldn't need to be rushed, either.

The way you treat world leaders is cheesy and embarassing. If I were ever given the opportunity to meet the Queen of England - I would gift her something precious to me and representative of the US like precious stones set into gold from our own soil - not an iPod made in China. If I were ever given the opportunity to meet the British Prime Minister - I would give him a collection of rare photographs depicting American history and spirit - not some DVDs that he could rent on his own if he had time to watch them.

I appreciate your optimism... and I really hoped you would be everything that everyone wanted.

Right now, all I see is a man who is desperately seeking public approval without listening to public concerns. The solution isn't printing more money to bailout failing industries. The solution is to let failing industries fail so innovation can pick up the pieces.

You've got an uphill battle... and my advice is to slow down. While 1 year has gone by already, you only need to feel rushed if you believe you will fail at the Presidency. If you do it right and pace yourself in the first 4 years, everyone will want you back for another 4 so you can finish what you started.

Neglected Blogs

2009-09-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to keep this from becoming one... so I'm posting some new material.

Today's lesson is: Why you should never take some "tests" on Facebook/Twitter/MySpace or any other site that offers communication between you and all your friends/co-workers/family.

A friend of mine who is kind of a lost soul that is desperate for attention posted a test last night. To give you an idea of his personality - his defining quote on his profile is "Workin toward 1000 friends... common you know you wanna be my friend.... ;-)". He also has posted updates like, "I want to see my name in everyone's status updates today." I do actually consider him to be a friend - I just can't seem to do anything about his need for attention from the planet to verify his existence. He's a nice guy, kind of shallow, but has a great sense of humor and generally has his heart in the right place.

So back to our main topic for today... this friend apparently felt it necessary to find out "How good are you in bed?" with a result of "Incredible Lover". When he posted his result, he added the comment, "I guess it's time for comments from the peanut gallery."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but how accurate of a test can this be if you have to take it from a computer? Did you at least take the machine out to dinner first? By doing the quiz... was there already an expectation of what result you'd get on the screen? Then considering all of your friends and family on your Facebook/Twitter/MySpace account, did it really seem like a good idea to let them know that an online test can guage how good you are in bed?

Any quiz like this should immediately be ignored. You want to know how good you are in bed? Go out, get into a meaningful relationship, and when your relationship makes the move into the bedroom - you'll find out on your own how good you are. Life experience and practice are the only things that will ever give you an accurate result on a test like that.

Oh, and as for the peanut gallery... of all of his 800+ friends, the only one to post a reply was his mom.

Obama Visits Montana

2009-08-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

Below is an e-mail I got from a friend of mine back home. She wrote it to share information with her friends on what happened when Barak Obama visited Montana a week ago and the goings-on of our idiocracy:

"Hello All,

By now you have probably heard that President Obama came to Montana last Friday. However, there are many things that the major news has not covered. I feel that since Bill and I live here and we were at the airport on Friday I should share some facts with you. Whatever you decide to do with the information is up to you. If you chose to share this email with others I do ask that you DELETE my email address before you forward this on.

On Wednesday, August 5th it was announced locally that the President would be coming here. There are many groups here that are against his healthcare and huge spending so those groups began talking and deciding on what they were going to do. The White House would not release ANY details other than the date.

On about Tuesday Bill found out that they would be holding the "Town Hall" at the airport. (This is only because Bill knows EVERYONE at the airport) Our airport is actually located outside of Belgrade (tiny town) in a very remote location. Nothing is around there. They chose to use a hangar that is the most remotely located hangar. You could not pick a more remote location, and you can not get to it easily. It is totally secluded from the public.
FYI: We have many areas in Belgrade and Bozeman which could have held a large amount of folks with sufficient parking. (gymnasiums/auditoriums). All of which have chairs and tables, and would not have to be SHIPPED IN!! $$$$$
During the week, cargo by the TONS was being shipped in constantly. Airport employees could not believe how it just kept coming. Though it was our President coming several expressed how excessive it was, especially during a recession. $$$$$

Late Tuesday/early Wednesday the 12th, they said that tickets would be handed out on Thursday 9am at two locations and the president would be arriving around 12:30 Friday.

Thursday morning about 600 tickets were passed out. However, 1500 were printed at a Local printing shop per White House request. Hmmmm......900 tickets just DISAPPEARED.
This same morning someone called into the radio from the local UPS branch and said that THOUSANDS of Dollars of Lobster were shipped in for Obama. Montana has some of the best beef in the nation!!! And it would have been really wonderful to help out the local economy. Anyone heard of the Recession?? Just think...with all of the traveling the White House is doing. $$$$$ One can only imagine what else we are paying for.

On Friday Bill and I got out to the airport about 10:45am. The groups that wanted to protest Obama's spending and healthcare had gotten a permit to protest and that area was roped off. But that was not to be. A large bus carrying SEIU (Service Employees International Union) members drove up onto the area (illegal)and unloaded right there. It was quite a commotion and there were specifically 2 SEIU men trying to make trouble and start a fight. Police did get involved and arrested the one man but they said they did not have the manpower to remove the SEIU crowd.
The SEIU crowd was very organized and young. About 99% were under the age of 30 and they were not locals! They had bullhorns and PROFESSIONALLY made signs. Some even wore preprinted T-shirts. Oh, and Planned Parenthood folks were with them.....professing abortion rights with their T-shirts and preprinted signs. (BTW, all these folks did have a permit to protest in ANOTHER area)

Those against healthcare/spending moved away from the SEIU crowd to avoid confrontation. They were orderly and respectful. Even though SEIU kept coming over and walking through, continuing to be very intimidating and aggressive at the direction of the one SEIU man.

So we had Montana folks from ALL OVER the state with their homemade signs and their DOGS with homemade signs. We had cowboys, nurses, doctors you name it. There was even a guy from Texas who had been driving through. He found out about the occasion, went to the store, made a sign, and came to protest.

If you are wondering about the press.....Well, all of the major networks were over by that remote hangar I mentioned. They were conveniently parked on the other side of the buildings FAR away. None of these crowds were even visible to them. I have my doubts that they knew anything about the crowds.
We did have some local news media around us from this state and Idaho. Speaking of the local media...they were invited. However, all questions were to be turned into the White House in advance of the event. Wouldn't want anyone to have to think off the top of their head.

It was very obvious that it was meant to be totally controlled by the White House. Everything was orchestrated down to the last detail to make it appear that Montana is just crazy for Obama and government healthcare. Even those people that talked about their insurance woes........the White House called our local HRDC (Human Resource and Development Committee) and asked for names. Then the White House asked those folks to come. Smoke and mirrors...EVERYTHING was staged!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very dismayed about what I learned about our current White House. The amount of control and manipulation was unbelievable. I felt I was not living in the

United States of America

, more like the

USSR

!! I was physically nauseous. Bill and I have been around when Presidents or Heads of State visit. It has NEVER been like this. I am truly very frightened for our country.

America

needs your prayers and your voices. If you care about our country please get involved. Know the issues. And let Congress hear your voices again and again!! If they are willing to put forth so much effort to BULLY a small town one can only imagine what is going on in Washington DC. Scary!!"

Kathy
Bozeman, Montana

Upper Echelon

2009-07-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

It seems that if you do enough good business with the right people, more good business will come your way.

I LOVE my clients! In the past 3 weeks I've gotten 4 new referrals... all of which turned into sales and custom repairs.

One is a new jewelry shop owner who has been open for about 3 months doing repairs and custom design. His wife called me one day, said she had gotten my name from a Master Goldsmith in Manitou Springs... and that they were in need of someone with gemstone knowledge and expertise. Jeremy and I drove to their shop, I went in to just talk about what I do, and it turned into my biggest single sale of the year. They have been buying pieces from me every time I visit ever since... and the stones are SELLING like crazy!

Two of the jewelers I got as a referral from a client in Boulder. Their gem cutter retired in June, and they didn't know where or how to find a new contact. One guy sucked up his pride and went across the street to his competition, who was happy to share my business card.

The most recent is the kind of client I've been waiting for. He is a jewelry designer. His business is drawing designs to-scale, taking the pictures to private individuals, and selling the drawing then creating a piece from that. His first order was for a monster Topaz... something that would be a centerpiece to a huge pendant. I found a piece of rough, and cut it custom for his needs. It ended up being right at 60 carats... He said to me yesterday, "You have done everything you said you would, when you promised, and exceeded my expectations. From here on, you're my gal." My gemstones are being worn by the upper echelon of Colorado (and a Broadway actress). I'm pretty giddy!

Juggling

2009-07-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

So I'm keeping my sanity for the moment.

The home business isn't slowing down. Chores keep piling up with the laundry. The front yard is nearly finished. The new bedroom only needs baseboards. My family needs help with my niece up in Denver. I'm tired.

Somehow I'm making it through with minimal collateral damage. There are days it takes all I have to not break down and cry over the long list of things that need to get done but just can't... and I'm seriously considering writing my congressman to add about 4 hours to a day to give me some extra time to get shit done.

At least there's August to look forward to. Hubby and I are taking a well-earned vacation... our 4th cruise. This time we're going to Alaska! We started looking back and this will be our first vacation with just the two of us in over 2 years. We've done lots of traveling with friends & family... but I guess since we're together 24/7 we haven't really thought about getting away with just us.

Just a few short weeks and we'll be off and away from work and cell phones!!!

Shady Businesses

2009-06-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

So I was doing some pick-ups and drop-offs downtown yesterday and decided to stop in to a couple of jewelry stores I hadn't heard from in awhile. Sometimes they just forget to call me and their workbenches are piled up with repairs.

I would say that 90% of my clients are independent jewelers - who genuinely look forward to seeing me stop into their shops to chat for a little while and handle their business. The other 10% are jewelry chain stores. Usually they are glad to see me, and many of the employees recognize my face and come up to see what kind of goodies I'm carrying in my satchel.

One of the places I stopped in to touch base was an independently owned jewelry store that puts emphasis on "high-end fine jewelry" and they charge a mint for things you can really buy anywhere. The standard markup here in the Springs is about 300% - but this particular store averages about 500%. Hey - they have a reputation, and they can get away with charging those prices, so more power to them.

The store manager was busy with a client, so 3 of the employees came over to talk with me and see my stones. Then a young man walked in and started talking with the assistant manager as she came out of the back room. The manger was wrapped up with her client and walked to the front of the store, then asked, "Alright, who was here first?" The assistant manager said, "Oh - This guy was." One of the employees said, "Actually Jennifer has been waiting for about 15 minutes." The manager looked very confused - so she started helping the guy.

What kills me is the guy knew he wasn't there before me, and still took it as though he had been waiting as long as I had. What the fuck? He looked like he was in his mid-20's... and was dressed like the kind of kid who is riding on daddy's money.

Meh - the assistant manager came over and said, "We don't have the authorization to buy any loose stones with the Black Market being so hot right now. We can only work with our company in California. Also, business is down so we are working mostly from inventory." Without missing a beat, I said, "Not a problem! I have a had a full Federal background check, but don't have those credentials with me today. More than anything I wanted to touch base in case you have any stone repair needs... I don't have a full inventory of stones to offer anyway because my sales have been so good."

Do you think I'll ever send "high-end" business their way? Not a chance in hell.

Gossip Time!

2009-06-03T12:58:00.000-07:00

The rumor mill is still up and running and keeping me in the loop!

The Agency I was working for is officially down to 1/2 the staff they had when I was employed there. The automotive industry has had such a breakdown with bailouts and the unstable auto economy that there just isn't much money left for small-time advertising companies. The Agency has been trying to diversify, but it is far too little, too late. If they wanted to expand and get their foot in the door of another market type, they needed to start trying 3 years ago when auto began on a slow decline.

In other news - it sounds like things may be shaking up for The Boss in her work life / home life balance. As she has been desperately trying to maintain her stranglehold on the Media Department, she has made a stranger of her husband. While I gag at the idea... she has confided that she and her husband no longer are sharing a bed. So much of her energy has been tied up in the advertising business that she has nothing left to give to her personal life.

I'm still thinking The Agency will have to close their doors in less than a year (I guess May 15th, 2010). Anyone else care to take a stab at their closing date?

Priorities vs. Keeping Busy

2009-05-31T11:11:00.001-07:00

For whatever reason, 2009 has been a pretty rough year thus far. My husband and I are doing fine, but it seems like everything around us is crumbling. My niece has cancer, my mother-in-law has cancer, one of our good friends was murdered, my sister-in-law had her baby 2 months pre-mature, our best friends had to dip into their saving & vacation account to pay their 2008 taxes ($12,000 EXTRA even after their regular with holdings), and all of news hit in February & March... and we've just been dealing with the aftermath.

Emotionally I was a wreck for about a month, then I started feeling really neutral. The whole world seemed to be a blur and I was just doing enough to keep breathing and not smell too bad.

At the beginning of May, I planned to stay in Denver to help take care of my niece. All of her cancer treatments are at the Denver Children's Hospital, and since her mother is legally blind they needed a driver... and I was more than happy to help and have time with family. I had been working part-time at Curves just to get out of the house (maybe 12 hours a week). I had turned in my time off request a few weeks earlier, and handed in my notice to quit at the end of April (work through the end of May). My home business gets crazy in June/July, and I'm not willing to sacrafice my real job for something I do to get out of the house.

The Curves manager (her mother is the owner), doesn't like anything being done on someone else's terms. When I had turned in my notice in December, she was going to let me go until 3 other women quit at the same time. She asked me to stay and help for a couple of months until she could get a few replacements hired. She tried increasing my hours to 20 a week, which I couldn't fit in with my home schedule, then she moved me from working late afternoons to mid-days (which totally fucked up my home stuff), then she let everyone know we had to work longer schedules because she wasn't willing to hire more people, then she informed us that no one was getting pay increases from minimum wage but that we would have more responsibility. After all of that I really had no inscentive to stay anyway.

The straw that broke the camel's back was that I laid into one of my co-workers about her inability to get to work on time. I took serious issue with someone being incapable of showing up to work because she wanted to take care of her checkbook and bills before coming to work because she would be too tired afterwards... and so she would call in and be late by 30 minutes to an hour every time we had a shift change. I couldn't schedule business appointments reliaby because I couldn't leave Curves unmanned, and I couldn't count on Candy getting her ass in on time. She came in almost an hour late that day, and I had to cancel a new client appointment because of it, and I was fit-to-be-tied!

The manager found out due to "anonymous" letter written by Candy, and called the 3 women who were on staff in for a meeting, sat us down and said, "I know I would get 3 different stories if I asked... and I don't have the energy to care... so all of you can consider your employment terminated as of today." I started laughing, and then I said, "This is awesome!" The manager looked at me like I had lost my mind. I followed up with, "Do you really think putting up with the drama that goes on here is worth it to anyone for minimum wage? I've already given you my notice, and I reject your termination because I quit!" I got up, walked out, and went on with the appointments I had scheduled that day.

The next day when I would have been scheduled to work I made rounds to my clients I never had a chance to see on Fridays... and I made 2 HUGE sales. Since then my home business has had a boom like never before, things are looking up for family, and I'm beginning to feel again. I'm thankful, I'm staying busy, and I'm happy!

Destiny...

2009-05-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

Everything happens for a reason. For me, recent changes in my part-time endeavors have lead to expansion in my home business. I'll elaborate more in the future... but right now things are definitely taking a turn for the better!

Work Drama

2009-04-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

Why can't people just go with the flow? I tend to be pretty laid back and calm. If you say something I don't agree with... I keep my opinions to myself unless I'm asked.

I don't like to stir the pot.
I don't like to get people bent out-of-shape.
I don't want there to be any trouble.

I just prefer that people agree to disagree (the beauty of being an American is that we're entitled to our own opinions).

So can anyone tell my why people like to provoke and instigate awkward situations? Why are there so many idiots who insist on arguing? Why are stoopid people breeding more stoopid people who ask more stoopid questions and get into stoopid people fights?

In the past I would be quiet and maybe cry out of frustration for not fighting back for myself... but last night I was provoked... and I didn't back down. For the first time in my adult life I truly stood up for myself against a stoopid woman who has been a thorn in my side since January. She tried to confront me about something I wasn't even involved in... and I let loose with everything that has been festering.

It felt so damn good to set the record straight!!!

ABANDON SHIP!!!

2009-03-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

More news from the advertising world...

It looks like the "computer team" (I use the term loosely) from my old advertising agency is jumping before it's too late. Probably a good idea since the agency has cut their 401K plan, and health insurance is soon to follow. Before you know it they will convince some poor saps out of college to pay the company to work there!

You know, I remember Monday Morning Meetings when I would make suggestions - like diversifying account types or pushing internet marketing - would get me laughed at. Heaven forbid that any company spread their talent to ensure they can keep their doors open. I should have said, "Hey - why don't we put all of our eggs into one basket and live on the idea that it's sort-of worked the last 28 years..." Hell - I would have been promoted for that kind of forward thinking!

My heart aches for my friends who are still there - hanging on to their employment as much as they can with the hope that their loyalty will be rewarded if things turn around. For their sake I hope the incompetent jerks in upper-management (yeah, you - that master's degree means jack shit right about now) get their act together and really do some creative collective thinking.

Okay here's an idea (since I know some of the managers still read my blog)... Why not give the employees who are still there a share in the company? Give them ownership in the success of the business. ALL business. When things turn around - let them be part of the success (PROFITS TOO). Fuck that $50 cash at the Holiday Party - let them have potential to earn a REAL bonus (like $500 *gasp*). If they leave while things are still bad - they simply lose their shares (which are re-distributed to their replacement or to remaining employees). If they hang in there for a turn-around, track profits and give them the option to cash out a portion every year. To keep employees motivated - STOP giving bonuses to the managers only. You see, minions at the bottom of the "feeding pond" lose motivation when they are told about managers bonuses (which The Boss and The Biscuit shared amount info with me when I was there). Employees see their hard work being rewarded to managers (who go golfing on work days and spend more time gossiping than being productive).

Emptiness

2009-03-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

My family isn't big into superstition - but there are a few quirks that I picked up honestly via traditions. The one that has come to mind recently is that things happen in 3's.

My grandmother had 2 sets of plates. One formal wear that we used a LOT, and a crappy cheap set that collected dust at the back of a China hutch. On the rare occasion that a nice piece of dinnerware was dropped and broken - she would open up the hutch and grab 2 of the crummy plates and break them right away. The idea was that things happen in 3's and the best way to complete the cycle was to be proactive... and not bother ruining 3 nice dinner plates to fate but simply follow up the first broken one with 2 of the cheap ones.

It kind of makes some sense to me, but that was dinnerware and I don't know how to stop bad things from happening in 3's when they are bigger.

Tuesday last week we found out my niece has cancer. Wednesday night a dear friend of ours was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. Friday my husband got bad news about work and may have to tell people their jobs are no-more.

I cried a LOT last week. By the weekend I was exhausted. Today I'm just trying to get my head straight so I don't forget to pay some bills/feed some pets/tell someone "I Love You". I know this emptiness will eventually pass... but this feeling is still difficult to deal with.

Bad News? Good News!

2009-02-20T10:35:00.000-08:00

Yep - just got my tax stuff taken care of.

Last year I owed about $900 in 2007 taxes for my home business. Between the home business stuff and our regular stuff - we had to come up with about $1,200. All things considered - I was prepared for the worst this year.

When I walk into my accountant's office on Wednesday - the first thing he says to me is, "Your days of seeing tax returns are over until you pop out a kid or two." Thanks, buddy. Not like we haven't been trying for the last 2 years!

Immediately following that statement - he looks at my home business profits for 2008 and says, "Wow! Great job this year! That means you're really going to owe though." I had kind of figured that anyways since my profits had tripled from 2007 to 2008... and we had put money in the bank in preparation for taxes. On the bright side - since my business is growing, and it is based in our home, we did get to deduct part of our utilities / trash / mortgage as a business expense this year (YAY!).

So I got a late-night e-mail last night from my accountant:

"Pack your swimsuit, you get a refund!!  Do want to direct deposit to the account I have on file?  If so I will have it ready to go Friday afternoon."

Apparently in 2007 we were at the top-end of our tax bracket and hadn't withheld enough money... but in 2008 we were at the bottom-end of a different tax bracket and had withheld too much. Cheers for that sliding scale!

Nostradamus? No - I'm Just An Observer...

2009-01-15T12:08:00.000-08:00

I try to keep an eye on things happening around me, which is advice I'd give to anyone. Open your eyes - shut your mouth - and you may be surprised.

2007 was the year I decided to act on my observations. Oh I tried telling people it was their time to do the same thing, but no one believed me and they all called me paranoid... sluffed it off as they were just blowing off steam and that the sick feeling in the pit of their stomach was simply stress.

I had been observing the company dynamic of the Advertising agency I was working for since 2004. Instead of looking to diversify their portfolio (since they were strictly automotive since 1980), the company pressed on. The screaming / yelling advertisements with obnoxious poo-bahs who were so full of their own horse shit they believed they could sell themselves as roses in a Hilton... muscling their way into new markets with old ideas. The company was admittedly running on the money from their heyday in the early 90s. Behind closed doors and in hushed conversations - managers were confiding in each other and a few employees - talking about their concerns over clients looking for fresh ideas and better value. Employees weren't concerned because they were given votes of confidence by each other and believed their value outweighed their salary. Everyone kept saying, "This time will pass, and everything will be fine." It was fine for a couple of years...

The agency had to re-compete to keep several automotive advertisers - clients looking for their money to work better as profits were declining. A few clients were lost, a few were gained, and a few just quit spending money with anyone. Most clients were being very vocal about the cost of having an agency, and instead of standing by the buying power and protection of an agency's representation - our company buckled and began cutting agency commission (and quickly lessening the faith of clients). Meanwhile, managers continued to get huge bonuses as though there were still 15% coming in on every buy - and over $100,000 was blown on redesigning the lobby with a giant water feature for clients that came to the building once in a blue moon.

I was out. I couldn't stand watching the frivolous spending habits and poor work ethic of management knowing that it was my hard work - and the hard work of my co-workers keeping their outrageous incomes flowing. Oh the carrot of retirement was there for some - that when managers retired from golfing, drinking, lunching, shopping, and general laziness that someone within the company would have to move into their place - I could see the money wouldn't hold out for anyone to actually see that pipe-dream come to fruition.

So here we are in 2009. I just received word that The Agency has had their first round of lay-offs... and they even did that wrong. Instead of cutting over-paid upper management and putting a few key managers in charge of different departments, they cut their top paid regular employees who do the actual work. Yep! Keep that useless dead weight on the top-end and drop your labor force. Brilliant. Oh - and deflate the energy level of the rest of the employees by cutting their incomes by 5%.

I hate to say I told you so.

Dad's Big Game

2008-12-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

Two years ago when we went to Montana for Christmas we had many plans of activities to try while at home... however my dad's body had other things in mind. We had purchased tickets to fly to Missoula on Christmas Eve, but dad went into the hospital 4 days before our flight with a ruptured appendix. My husband and I went to the airport 3 days early to catch an early flight to be with him, but United Airlines sucked dick (See previous post).

Dad was out of the hospital on Christmas Day that year (I am so thankful for small blessings). He has recovered better than anyone expected him to, back to hiking and hunting within 6 months of his surgery, and now he's 100% recovered.

In early October, I got a phone call from Daddy - and I could tell he was just bursting and giddy to tell me something. "Jenni - I got my Ram!"

Since I was a little girl, my dad has applied for a Ram permit every year. In Montana - the average number of permits available for the entire state is under 20. This year only 5 were issued. Of those 5 - my dad was the only person to bring home a Ram.

The day after his permit arrived, he called his friend to go hiking and to spot where the game was traveling... no real plan for hunting (guns along for protection - prime season for Grizzlies to be out eating berries in prep for hibernation). They started out in the afternoon, climbing up steep inclines, heading above the tree line. As they rounded a cooley, they spotted a herd of 50 mountain sheep - several Rams in the mix. Dad pulled up his scope to get a look - and he saw a 1 1/4 curl ram bedded down, but when the ram turned his head he was missing one of his horns (likely a rut fight incident). Just down the slope was another Ram, full curl horns (both of them), munching away on mountain grasses.

Dad and his friend sat and watched for awhile. As the sun began to set a few sheep began making their ascent up the mountain from directly below where the guys were positioned. The guys scrambled up the slope to stay ahead and yet not alert the herd across the way. They stopped when they reached a small tree clinging to the mountain side. Dad and Ed sat down to get another look at the Rams... his friend pulled out the distance scope to give my dad an idea of how far away they were. "Ernie - it looks like about 221 yards." Dad sighted in his gun using the tree for extra balance - compensated for the slight breeze - took a deep breath, and squeezed the trigger.

BOOM! The herd took off up the hillside... the ram Dad was aiming for stood up and followed after for about 20 yards. The beast fell and tumbled down the mountain a little. He stood up, then fell again, and came to rest against a log. A clean shot to the heart - Dad had his ram.

Together, Dad & Ed got the Ram 1/2 way down the mountain slope to the tree-line... but since they had only planned to go for a short hike, neither had brought along any food for energy. As the sunlight vanished - they found themselves hungry and exhausted. They left the ram on the hill in the dark, and hiked down to their vehicle. Once in range of a cellular signal, they called in some friends to meet up for dinner at a local bar & grill.

A few cheeseburgers and sodas later, the group of now 4 men made their way back to the valley. It took all of their combined strength to get the animal through the trees in the dark, but dad's ram was hanging in his garage by midnight.

Timing on the hunt couldn't have been better. Because the rams had not gone into the rut (mating season), the meat was perfect. You see, most hunters don't get lucky enough to save ram meat because by the time they get their permit and make the hunting trip - all of the animals are pumped up with mating season hormones and adrenaline - making the meat rancid.

Look at hunting however you will, but I grew up on wild game and I am in better health as an adult because of it. My family only had store-bought meats in the freezer when we were in between hunting seasons and running low on game. This year Dad has a load of ram burgers, steaks, ribs, and more... and he has the bust of his prize on the wall of his living room.

A Carousel for Missoula

2008-12-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

This Christmas, my husband and I went to Montana for the holidays. In years past we've made plans of things to do and stuff to see, but most of the time we've ended up goofing off on ATVs more than anything.

One change this year from others is that we spent two whole weeks with my Dad - giving us ample time to get in everything I had tried to plan for the last 6 years.

Our drive to Montana was interesting... we made it over Homestake Pass just 2 hours before their shutdown time due to wether. The entire drive from Colorado to Montana ended up being 17 hours because of snow, but it wasn't what I would call a bad drive. Nice and slow - a chance to really enjoy the scenery and giant flurries.

So - Christmas Eve my dad had an appointment with the VA... checking up on his health overall. His doctor proudly admitted that Daddy is her healthiest patient - since he manages to get out hiking all the time, goes hunting (got his first big-horn sheep this year), and has no major health problems. He had to fast that morning for the blood work, but Jer and I took him to Famous Dave's for lunch afterwards.

We had snow-snow-snow-snow to deal with driving around the city... not to mention traffic because of all of the crazy last-minute shoppers. I was determined to get the guys to downtown once they had full-tummies - to visit a place that is very near and dear to me.

When I was younger I ran a dance school for several years. One of my students had Prader-Willi Syndrome (See previous post), and her mother was married to a founder of Watkins-Shepard Trucking. One day my student's mother asked if she and I if she could talk after class about an idea of hers... Not sure what was going on I cleared my afternoon and we met for lunch. As soon as I sat down she pulled out an envelope filled with papers about a Community Carousel project - some kind of pipe-dream revival that she decided to get involved with in her free time.

Apparently she had purchased a Carousel Horse, and it was at her discretion how it should be designed. She realized after the purchase that she didn't have a clue of where to begin when it came to art so she though of me because I had designed the t-shirts and posters for my dance troop. Over the course of lunch, and a few more meetings - we had a sketch to go forward with... a horse dedicated to the memory of her infant daughter Carrie who died from SIDS - to be decorated with all the things little girls like:

Ribbons and Bows, Butterflies and Bangles, Puppies and Pansies.

I had the chance to share a memory of my contribution to a local legacy... My dad, my husband, and I took a ride on one of the fastest Carousels in America on Christmas Eve 2008. It was the perfect beginning to a fantastic vacation!

Behind-The-Scenes

2008-12-09T21:18:00.000-08:00

So... I just had the opportunity to see something that most people will never see in their lifetime!

It started with a few phone calls and e-mail messages trying to get a private viewing of 2 gemstones in the Smithsonian's permanent collection. A dear friend of mine had cut the donated stones in the early 1990's, but only had a couple of pictures from a magazine article to show for it. Knowing that I travel to D.C. a couple of times a year, he asked if I could try to get a couple more pictures.

Luckily, the gentleman I contacted at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History knew exactly what stones I was looking for and where they were located in the archives.

On Monday, my friend Kathy & I rode into downtown D.C. on the Metro, and got in line to go into the Smithsonian. My husband joined us from his office nearby... and the three of us were admitted through security, given passes to go into the "Employees Only" areas, and were picked up by our host.

We walked down a long corridor of marble floors, took a right turn into a small hallway and walked down some narrow steps to catch an old elevator (decorated heavily in tarnished brass and mirrors). We slowly went up several floors and exited into a poorly lit hallway. In true museum style - sitting next to the elevator doors was a GIANT specimen of petrified wood with bands of yellow, green, black, and brown rock hinting at the composition of the 4-foot-tall chunk of rock.

Next we passed through two heavy metal doors and walked down another hallway that had large pipes running along the ceiling hanging so low that if anyone over 6'3" would need to duck to avoid hitting their head on the joints. To our left was a small, unassuming brown metal door with a key-pass lock.

Our host swiped his neck tag, punched in a code, and the door opened up to a living-room sized office. There was an old 1950's metal desk on the right, complete with an aged desk lamp and green-screen computer. To the left were a few tall wooden cases with hastily scribbled cards taped to the many drawers. Along the far wall were filing cabinets, a coffee pot 1/2 empty and stained from years of use... but this was not yet our stop.

We passed through another door that opened into a warehouse. Like a scene from an Indiana Jones film - this huge space held 10-foot-tall wooden filing cases as far as the eye could see to the right and straight ahead. As we walked along, our host pulled one drawer open and said, "We keep rock and mineral specimens of every kind from everywhere in the country here. There's sorted by locale." I peeked into the drawer labeled "Antarctica" to see rocks that looked like what someone would find in their yard.

Our small group walked about 30 yards, then took a left turn and walked another 15 yards and passed through one last door. Inside were glass display cases along every wall loaded with some of the most amazing rocks I've seen in my lifetime... hidden away from public view because they are probably not as rare as what is on display currently, but just beautiful. Two small gem cases were brought before me, and there the two stones were laid out for me to take pictures of.

It was a short ordeal setting up my tripod and correcting the light settings, then a few clicks later we were done.

We left the way we had came in, except instead of getting onto the elevator we went through two different sets of doors and were released into the "Minerals" branch of the museum. A few smiles and handshakes later, our host left... and my husband, friend, and I boggled over the experience we had just enjoyed. It was just - amazing.

The Perfect Turkey

2008-11-28T10:52:00.000-08:00

This year, while working out at Curves talking about Thanksgiving cooking - I shared a secret of mine on how to make the best sweet potato dish for the holidays. In return, a woman I work out with shared her family secret with me about how to have a perfect turkey. I followed her instructions exactly, and this is what came out of my oven:

It was a picture-perfect bird. Golden, flavorful, juicy, delicious!!!

The Votes Are In...

2008-11-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

I didn't vote for him, but he is my President.

So unlike most people who have been upset through Bush's Presidency - I won't be sporting any crappy bumper stickers blaming the problems of the US on the newly elected President.

In hindsight, I wouldn't have wanted to come into office and have the largest terrorist attack in history happen on my country's soil... so all things considered Bush has done alright because we are still the United States of America (in case you forgot).

Nor will I think the world is ending when Obama he has his first little hiccup (oh he will - it happens to every President).

It is what it is... and it's historic. We were either going to have our first female VP or our first Black President.

It's a great time to be alive!

Frightened Children

2008-11-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

Our house has become THE place to Trick-or-Treat at Halloween. This year - my husband and I built a wooden frame to run the length of our sidewalk leading up to our door for our "Tunnel of Doom". It is a frightening task for little ghosts and goblins to walk through the hidden entrance and into our patio filled with animatronics. Some can do it, some can't even make it up the driveway and their parents come in their stead.

Last year was our first time to add the live-action element to our scare-fest. My hubby, myself, and a good friend all got "zombified" (a fun little formula of corn starch, flour, food-coloring, and makeup) to answer the door. Our added scare was I would hand out the candy and the two guys would come stumbling up behind me from out of the darkness... one guy would grab me and drag me back into the house, while the other would either close the door or chase the kids out of the tunnel. We had fun with it - but each year the expectation grows from our neightbors and their kids.

This year was the best yet! We had a bunch of friends over and outfitted everyone with the full-head masks and heavy costume gloves (ghoulish faces and rotting-flesh hands). Everyone was positioned in various places on our front yard and they sat or stood in poses. Considering our whole front yard has been a graveyard since the beginning of October - it didn't seem unusual to anyone. I sat on the front porch and could hear parents commenting, "Oh cool - they put up some stuffed dummies today. That's so neat!"

The kids would come up to me (I was dresses as a crazy patient), get their candy, then go trapsing down the driveway. They would stop to look at the scary dummies, some would even poke them to prove to their friends that they weren't real.

Then one would move a little... a turn of the head, or a shift of an arm.

The kids jumped back.

A crowd would start to gather - with new trick-or-treaters and kids who had already gotten their candy. One would say, "They're motion-activated. Throw some candy to turn one on." Another kid would toss a piece of chocolate from their bag and hit one of the figures.

More movement.

So the kids approached to figure out exactly what made them work.

Then the fun began... all of the figures on the lawn would come to life! Standing up - stumbling toward the crowd - making NOISES. Children and parents screamed - everyone would scatter in different directions. Oh it was so fun!

Not sure how we'll top it next year - but I'm already thinking.

Resignation Anniversary

2008-10-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

Yep! It's been a year already since I left advertising.

Do I miss it? No way. Heck no, hell no, shit no, fuck no, no, no, no, NO!

In honor of the one year celebration of which I have been partaking... Below is the letter I turned in when I did my final paperwork on October 19th, 2007 (names changed, of course):

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to continue working for The Agency in a part-time capacity as I am needed, but I am compelled to address some issues even if it may mean I will not be brought back in to help out. I wish to address specific issues in my employment that may give insight into why I am leaving my full-time position.

1) Privileged information should be kept to MANAGEMENT ONLY. On many occasions, private information was shared with me about other employees including medical conditions and even the possible termination of co-workers (all is information I have kept to myself)… I appreciate the trust that has been placed on me by several managers sharing confidential information, but my concern is that co-workers have queried about my personal information that was only shared with management. For the sake of confidentiality - - the details of other employees should not have been or ever be shared with anyone, including me, ever.

2) When mistakes in the media department are made, The Boss does not believe someone’s sincerity until they are crying - often brought on during a round of yelling, cursing, and public humiliation. I am a strong willed person, and when I get close to my breaking point of yelling in retaliation – I switch suddenly to crying to keep myself from losing control of my anger. Besides crying myself several times, I have been witness to Ms. Red, Party Girl, RJ, and Supermodel crying under the same circumstances.

3) The only time I ever received a raise was when I tried to quit over 2 years ago. Later, I moved up to Media and was told that after 90 days I could expect to make just above $40K annually. At my 90 days I was switched back to hourly at the exact equivalent of my salary pay (I had been salary for over a year), and told I would receive a review after Christmas. After I had been upstairs for 6 months I asked both Blondie and The Boss if I could have a review, and I was told that someone would get around to it soon. That was March 15, 2007.

4) For all of my hard work and hours of overtime, there have been 3 distinct occasions since I moved into the Media Department that I have been treated so poorly that I wanted to quit.

*I* - The day of the company Holiday Party 2006, just before I reached my 90 days in Media - - I had not received any training regarding the newly restrictive Clear Channel policies, and when I canceled a schedule within the 2-week window (by 1 day) The Boss began screaming at me while I was sitting in Blondie’s office. I tried to remain calm, but when she began shaking her finger in my face I broke down crying. I tried to leave, but The Boss followed and continued yelling at me in front of the entire Media Department… After several minutes of being shouted at for my incompetence (while in front of my peers), I said I needed to leave. As I walked out the door, The Boss said, “Don’t let this keep you from coming to the party." I went to the party, but was horribly uncomfortable all night.

*II* - When The Agency got the Oldest Clients Imports stores back in February 2007 - - Blondie and I didn’t want to hold the previous agency's placed radio pre-books because budgets were changing. Our alternative plan was to cancel the pre-books, and then place as needed for 2 months so we could get a feel for the buying load and pattern. The Boss said, and I quote: “Employees like you are a dime a dozen. If you are unhappy and don’t want to do things The Agency way, I can find someone to replace you in a heartbeat.”

*III* - The night before I went on vacation to Washington D.C. in April 2007 - - I worked until 1:00 in the morning (my husband had left at 9PM to finish packing and walk our dog) and The Boss was driving me home… She told me she understood that I was probably burning out and that if I wanted to look for another job I didn’t need to worry about her finding my replacement. I evaluated my perceived worth at The Agency the entire time I was on vacation.

Looking back, The Boss told me said she was desperate to find someone for Media in August of 2006… and I knew KT was going to turn in her notice. I offered to come upstairs because I had placed media at my job in Arizona, but stated up front I would need training. Please know - I have great respect for The Boss's expansive knowledge of Media and her overall dedication to the company. I have seen her cancel personal travel plans and work until she can barely stand to make sure things are taken care of for the rest of the building. For my personality type - - I am far too passionate about the work I do, and had truly valued The Boss’s opinion so much that I lost my drive to make so many personal sacrifices after so many instances of being told I could be easily replaced (true or not – it hurt me to think I wasn’t a valued member of the team).

Looking to the future – The Agency could do so many great things if only everyone could come together and LISTEN. It saddens me that I have seen many great ideas shot down. People being hired fresh out of college can be built into The Agency’s future. Instead of honest consideration and regard for their fresh thinking – their ideas are disregarded and even mocked at times, and then these young people lose their desire to help, or try, and become employees who only work hard enough to keep their paycheck.

When I was hired to be a manager at Target Corp, I had to participate in an intensive 120-day management-training program. I traveled around the country to shadow top managers at top stores and learn from their knowledge and experiences. In order to be prepared to handle employee conflicts, lessen turnover, and keep morale high – they believe everything starts with their managers. There are 5 requirements to becoming a strong leader according to corporate philosophy. They are basic guidelines that seem elementary, but from large companies to small - - these things make for a better work environment for everyone and I hope they can be reviewed for The Agency:

*Give annual reviews annually. As a manager you cannot allow yourself to become too busy to reward loyal workers. While employees do come to expect a raise year after year, it gives them something they can count on and further drives their loyalty while helping them keep up with inflation. Also, you can use this time to praise and guide your employees, especially if you don’t get a chance through the rest of the year.

*Communicate. By keeping employees and co-workers in the loop, you build in a safe-guard of people who know what is going on, what is expected, what may be coming down the line, and what has happened. From simple updates to grand explanations - - the more you keep employees informed, the more they feel they are a part of a team and will work better together knowing what part they play.

*Be a calm mediator, not an angry dictator. Through history, people who work to resolve problems in an assertive and respectful manner are revered and remembered as great leaders. People who dominate without regard to human feelings are despised and remembered as adversaries to growth. Your employees will respect you more if you keep your cool in heated situations, and choose your words wisely (anyone can drop a 4-letter word in anger – only people in control can avoid it).

*Listen. Some of the best ideas come from employees who have a different point of view. If an idea is one that was tried in the past without success… consider it again (just because something didn’t work before doesn’t mean it can’t be fine-tuned). By simply listening honestly - you will help build up the confidence of your employees while discovering new ideas together.

*Focus on the bigger picture. Each and every employee is a functioning part of the company as a whole. If you keep focused on the future instead of dwelling on the minute details of the past, your team will thrive. Let go of mistakes and work together on solutions. Ultimately the steps you take will lead to success or failure… so stay focused, keep your team tasked, and always remember your goals.

I believed that with time, effort, and passion, I could be part of the long-term future of The Agency. I am very sad to be leaving the Oldest Client's team in particular… because I have built relationships with my stations representatives as well as a respectful rapport with the dealers. I think Mormon Boy has the drive and vision to handle the account once he digs his hands into the little details (the Devil is truly in the details on the Oldest Client's Radio Advertising). While I hope my honesty doesn’t affect my relationship with The Agency, I will understand if I do not get any calls to come in.

On the other hand, everyone is welcome to call me whenever an extra hand is needed… to assemble books, reconcile orders, help out in traffic if someone calls in sick, or anything else that comes to mind. I’d be happy to save searching with a staffing company when I am just a phone call away and already know many of the daily processes.

Sincere Regards,
The Conqueress

Please note - I was never called in (hehehe).

Obama is NOT a US Citizen

2008-10-12T16:41:00.000-07:00

Interesting information... Barak Obama is NOT a US Citizen. Why isn't mainstream media looking into this a bit more? Oh wait - because they're fucking liberal douchebags.

My husband wouldn't qualify for some of the government contracts he works on without being a natural-born U.S. Citizen... how on Earth can Obama qualify to be President of the same government?

Check out all the details on Snopes!

10-28-08 Update - Interestingly the Snopes article has been taken down. Hmmm... there may be more truth to this than I thought!

Here's some more to satisfy your clickie urges:

Obama Citizenship Questions Continue - NBC
Citizenship Questioned in PA
Citizenship Questioned in WA
Dual Citizenship - What Does It Mean?

The Best of September - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-09-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

I took a little drive this week. My home business has been booming... to the point I have to schedule with my local clients when I can come by to do pickups. This week I had 3 jewelers to visit on the South-West side of town, so I decided that once I was done collecting the repairs I would drop by my old company and hand-deliver Halloween party invites to my friends who still work for the agency.

I tend to drop in about once a month to have lunch with some of the gang anyways - but that usually consists of me coming in the front doors and then going down a hall and into one room. This week I made rounds throughout the whole place (with expressed permission from the all-important powers-that-be). I wandered around as though I had never left - chatting with people and just catching up. It was great to actually have time to stop and not feel rushed by my schedule.

Not surprisingly - there were many nervously whispered queries about my recent post regarding the state of the company. People wanted to know what I know - beyond what I would write here. Looking back at previous posts... I feel comfortable saying that I trusted my gut instinct the whole time I worked there. I just KNEW things were amiss at that place, beginning when I a temp-to-hire and I was called a racist for calling my college roommate Masami (The Boss thought it was a nickname - until I told her it was actually my roommates' name), and continued to have a bad feeling due to the inappropriate behavior of management and their lack of managerial skills, then because some smaller core clients were being ignored because a certain blonde control freak kept bending over and taking it up the ass trying to make bigger paying clients happy, then when my husband and I had our jobs threatened because we wanted to leave work on time one Friday because we had both put in 56 hours that week and were just mentally fried, then when I worked until 2 in the morning the night before I went on vacation to save The Boss' job, and many others you can check out through the course of this blog's history... the signs have been around for a long time.

There was a Friday night I can remember back in August of 2007 - where the department I worked in had put up with a full week of bitching from The Boss. At the end - I think we had all been cornered and screamed at a minimum of two times each. We needed BEER. Everyone went to a local bar - and started drinking (silently at first). Finally someone said to me, "It must be great knowing that you'll be able to quit soon." They were right - - my husband had left the company already, management knew I wasn't far behind, and really we were at the point I didn't need to work anymore but I just didn't have the heart to leave things undone. I told everyone at the table that night that the company would be falling on hard times very soon and they needed to jump ship and get planted in a new company before they didn't have a choice. Of all of the people at the table - I have been the only one to quit in the past year.

Can you guess who pulled me aside to pick my brain and get advice this week?

Three people from my old department.

All of them nervously whispered to me - checking over their shoulders to see if The Boss was watching. One person was close to tears... another was just frustrated with the aggressive recent changes and the new expectations on remaining employees. The overall feeling I was receiving while walking around was nervousness - the kind that makes the air feel charged with an uncomfortable energy.

I told everyone to just trust their instincts because I have no advice to give. My advice came out over a year ago and now it may to late to heed it.

Oh Hell Yeah

2008-09-18T23:15:00.000-07:00

So I just did my first Weigh & Measure since I started my new diet program. I'm down 3.5 lbs. this month - so a grand total of just under 10 lbs. since I started working out in May. Oh - and I'm down 14.5 inches!!!

Right now I can't keep my pants up without a belt - and all of my shirts look huge on me.

While all of that is fine and good... I can't get over how fantastic I FEEL! I can actually ride my bike uphill (steep uphill) for over a mile and not stop - I can tie my shoes without gasping for air - I can hike as fast as my husband, I can jog without knee pain... you get the point.

Right now I am only 15 lbs. from what I weighed when I got married! I've started pulling down the designer clothes I held on to from when I lived in Arizona - a few of the skirts fit again - and the jeans and blouses are getting VERY close.

Patriot Day - Never Forget

2008-09-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

In the United States, Patriot Day occurs on September 11 of each year, designated in memory of the nearly three thousand who died in the September 11, 2001, attacks. Most Americans refer to the day as "Nine-Eleven (9/11)," "September 11th," "Nine-one-one," or some variation thereof.

U.S. House of Representatives Joint Resolution 71 was approved by a vote of 407-0 on October 25, 2001. It requested that the President designate September 11 of each year as "Patriot Day." President George W. Bush signed the resolution into law on December 18, 2001 (as Public Law 107-89). It is a discretionary day of remembrance.

Initially, the day was called the National Day of Prayer and Remembrance for the Victims Of the Terrorist Attacks on September 11, 2001.

On September 4, 2002, President Bush used his authority created by the resolution and proclaimed September 11, 2002, as Patriot Day. He has continued to make similar declarations every year since.

On this day, the President directs that the American flag be flown at half-staff and displayed from individual American homes, at the White House, and on all U.S. government buildings and establishments, home and abroad. The President also asks Americans to observe a moment of silence beginning at 8:46 A.M. (Eastern Daylight Time) marking the first plane crash on September 11, 2001.

NEVER FORGET!

Identity Crisis

2008-09-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here giggling uncontrollably right now because my dog is attempting to play with two of the cats. The cats are climbing all over their jungle gym - then jumping down and running around the perimeter - then scampering up to the dog with their tails fluffed up - until the dog responds. Then the two cats run away as fast as they can and climb to the top of the jungle gym and stare down at the dog.

I can tell my Greyhound really wants to play - but doesn't understand how to climb on the little platforms like the cats. Too cute.

Que?

2008-09-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

What the fuck, over? I have a Spanish auto advertisement rotating on my ad space in this blog! In case their little bots didn't catch it - my opinion is as follows:

IF YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE IN AMERICA - FUCKING SPEAK ENGLISH.

My grandparents did it when they came from Norway and Russia. My college roommate did it when she moved here from Japan. Hell, even my friend Ritchie's dad did it when he moved here from Mexico. I don't think it's necessary to cater to a population that doesn't have respect for the system of becoming a citizen by knowing the language and learning American culture (I don't care where you're from, either - China, Russia, Korea, Sweden, Spain, Africa, Italy, etc).

ARRGH!!!

The Best of August - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-08-31T21:47:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of running into a former co-worker this past week and have learned some intriguing information. Apparently my former company has had record losses of clients over the course of the summer...

Even though their hay-day is long since over they keep paying the department managers top-dollar while not giving raises to current employees. I have to think back to the huge remodel they did over the past year - spending over $100K to put in mis-matched flooring, new furniture, and a "water feature" that eats up 5 gallons of distilled water every 3 days! Sorry kids - your raise went to keeping the fountain running this year.

It really just makes me sad. I can't count on all of my fingers and toes how many times I was literally YELLED at for making a SUGGESTION - either about commercials, different marketing strategies, even boosting company morale! Is there really something wrong with making your employees feel WANTED? Is it necessary to make them feel like worthless pieces of shit so they have a complex for the rest of their lives? I wish every day that I had called the labor board for the things I saw and they way I was treated.

Forget the cussing and belittling - the physical threats were the worst. Twice I had paperwork THROWN at me, once I was hit in the head with a media guidebook, and another time my boss actually dumped a glass of water on me.

Now the word on the street is that there have been many manager meetings. Long meetings. The cutbacks have begun. Silly - since dropping one worthless manager who spends their workdays golfing and gossiping would solve the problem for all of the employees in all of the departments who ACTUALLY WORK.

My advice would be to jump ship while you can. Get your resumes out there - take a few long lunches for interviews - and just get the FUCK OUT. That ship is going down sure as the Titanic.

Democratic Destruction

2008-08-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

In all of their wisdom, the DNC which visited Denver decided to "Go Green" and hack down some trees to make wooden hotel key cards. Not surprisingly, the wood grains did not allow for a proper bond of the magnetic strips to actually open hotel room doors. So tens-of-thousands of wooden key cards had to be thrown away to rot in a landfill.

The saddest part of this whole thing is that if they had simply used traditional Plastic key-cards they would have been more "Green" because the normal cards are made from RECYCLED PLASTIC.

Part Time

2008-08-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

I decided to apply for a job just to keep me busy in the summer (the season my home business always slows down). So as I mentioned a few weeks back - I've been going to the gym, losing weight, losing inches, and just toning up! It just so happened that they were hiring for a part-time position and so I applied.

I've been working there for a month and I love it! From the standpoint of being member I really believe in the results and how I've been feeling. Now that I'm an employee - I'm getting the chance to learn more about the science and nutrition behind what they teach to members. On a corporate level - they really do care about the long-term health and awareness of their members.

The last few weeks I've been participating in their nutrition class, and have been losing even more weight because of it. The best part is - my body (that has been needing so many prescription drugs to get over the trauma of working at my last company) is finally Rx free! I feel energized, happy, and healthy!

So to my friends who live in my area - I invite you to come visit my club and do a free workout with me. It will only be 30 minutes out of your day to try something that could change your life!

Monsoon Season!

2008-08-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

The stinkin' hot weather is finally subsiding, and around 4 in the afternoon those BIG, DARK, & OMINOUS clouds start to roll off the mountains. Then the rain comes... at first in a light and enjoyable sprinkle. Within a few minutes it turn into sheets and buckets pouring down from every direction! The crack of the thunder and the constant rumbling of the overloaded raindrops hitting every surface in sight - vehicles, pavement, trees, and scampering pedestrians - so wonderful! The storms rejuvenate my rose garden - like a second chance - to drink in the bounty from the heavens and bloom anew.

If it was safe I'd probably sit outside and soak up the rain like my plants... wash away the thoughts in my mind and the stresses of the day-to-day. The crackling and BOOMS hit pretty close to home in monsoon season, and I don't want to be a lightning rod anytime soon.

The Best of July - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-07-31T11:39:00.000-07:00

About this time last year - I started hassling my real estate agent. Our house had been on the market for 3 months and had only been looked at 2 times. My agent finally came out and told me that she had over estimated what our home was worth, and that it was time to take action. She said no one would be interested in paying what we were asking for a house with only 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Nevermind that we had more finished floor space than most of the homes on the market in our area (a den and a rec room) - it is a family neighborhood and it wouldn't make sense for anyone to buy our house when they could get another bedroom in a smaller house for the same price (WTF?).

On top of that - my husband went from living with our friends in DC to living in a studio apartment. The pressure was on for us to stick to our plan of me maintaining the house here and keeping my job so we could afford the mortgage and the rent. Crappy times.

Honestly, when we had told The Boss we were leaving - I thought I'd only have to look at her ugly mug another month...

The worst part of being apart from my hubby during that time was going in to the office and being badgered daily by the most hateful troll on the face of the planet. Believe me - if I could have told her exactly what I thought of her at the time I would have, but instead I had to simply put up with her because I had to keep my job (again - paying mortgage and rent). Pretty lame considering I was in the best position to tell her what everyone felt - but even I couldn't do it for the same reason as everyone else.

I am feeling good now though - because I recently learned that my team of co-workers from my old department had a Come-To-Jesus meeting with the C.O.O. of the company last month. The Boss has been up to her old tricks of randomly yelling at people for reasons only she can comprehend, using words to describe employees in front of their peers that included "Stupid", "Retarded", and "Dumb" - and she actually threw paperwork at one gal just because she didn't understand a question The Boss had asked. So the threat was made that The Boss needed to straighten out for good - and was then placed on 90-days probation.

A small victory - but with each reprimand the little bloodhound-faced toad only straightens up her attitude and mouth for about 8 business days (you can count them like clockwork). Unfortunately, my old company makes empty threats to employees because that is how the company has been handled for years. There is not one manager in the building who has had ANY sort of actual management training... they all got their positions by outlasting other employees to the retirement of their superiors.

Sadly, the company won't last much longer because as the man who created it retires only has the option to hand the reins over to a troop of Napoleons who think bigger than their britches... They can't even buy-out their greatest harassment liability - an angry little woman who thinks it is okay to throw things at people - whose vocabulary is that of a 15-year-old sailor - and who thinks name-calling is inappropriate for children but alright for her.

Tacky

2008-07-28T12:38:00.000-07:00

A little side rant...

I think people who still wear white tennis shoes while riding a motorcycle look like idiots. Idiots trapped in the 80's.

"Hey - look at me! I have a shiney motorbike, a snazzy helmet, and an expensive leather jacket... but I wasted SOOOO much money on those 3 things that I have to wear the tennie-runners my mommy bought me back in 9th grade!"

You are an idiot. Sure you can accelerate aggressively and think that because I'm a chick I am impressed... but the shoes kill it. You are a hopeless dork who believes in the power of Axe Body Spray, and you have no idea how dumb you look in those Back To The Future white tennis shoes.

Take the same guy and put him in hiking boots - or even better, leather combat boots - That is H-O-T-Hot!

Unless he's wearing shorts...
Then he looks retarded in any shoes.
And there's no way to fix that.

Obama The Anti-Christ

2008-07-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

"Then will arise a king of the Greeks... He will be king of the Romans and the Greeks. He will be tall of stature, of handsome appearance with shining face, and well put together in all parts of his body…"

I've said before that I am not a religious person, but I study religions as a hobby. Interestingly enough, the anti-Christ is supposed to appear in a time of dire need, and the people who bring him in to power believe that he will set things right. He speaks of religion and faith with conviction and understanding, but does not believe in his own words.

America is in a small recession... gas prices are on the rise and people want answers and they want to believe that things are going to get better. Unfortunately, Obama has proposed BILLIONS of dollars in tax increases in his few short years in office. Granted, most were shot down because they were so radical, but it would seem that his plan as a Senator is to tax the crap out of hard-working Americans until they can't afford to buy the food that keeps them alive. To me, Obama is an ass, who doesn't know his head from can of beans. He's a radical who has visions of a society that can only be considered Communistic. Yes, he sounds good on TV - but just TAKE TIME to look into what his track record actually is - not the words that come out of his mouth. Politicians tell lies. It's been that way as long as "politician" has been a word.

Sadly, the Democratic party had to choose between Obama and Clinton for 2008. Historically speaking, supporting a man is the way to go. I think Clinton had a chance until she started crying at every rally and fire-side chat... Could she really expect to be taken seriously as a potential leader of the world's last super-power with her weepy eyes? Terrorists would never see that as weakness (please detect my sarcasm).

In my little world, Obama is the anti-Christ. I'm not the only one, either. Just do a google search for "Obama Anti-Christ" and you will find thousands of websites and articles dedicated to this idea.

CHECK OUT THIS SITE AS WELL!

Thoughts anyone?

Recycle

2008-07-11T17:37:00.001-07:00

CHECK OUT THIS ARTICLE FROM MSN ON RECYCLING!

Morbid Road Sign

2008-07-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

CLICK THE PICTURE TO MAKE IT BIGGEROn our way back from Montana - we passed this road sign just outside of the Tetons.
I think it gets the point across...

With A Capital V

2008-07-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

Vacation! Good times indeed :-)

This road trip we went all out! First a trip back home for my high school reunion, then some time with my father that included a day of shooting at a firing range, a day in Glacier Park, followed by a day fishing. It got better though! We spent an evening lighting off fireworks in the rain with my Dad, a day at a sapphire mine (brought back lots of facetable gems), some time at a quartz digging site, four-wheel driving to find garnets (some facetable stones there too), and a few stops at historic sites. The trip ended with a full day in Yellowstone Park - where we had the chance to see a rare eruption of a geyser. Our drive home was even nice - coming through the Tetons and into the painted high desert of Wyoming.

The price of gas is the only thing that really stinks about road trips right now... and it showed. We were in Yellowstone on what historically is the busiest day of the year (Independence Day), and we encountered no traffic problems - very few people on the trails - and no lines for gas or waiting at the restaurants. It was almost eerie. We had budgeted for an average of $4/gallon - but once into Montana our average price went up to $4.35/gallon by the time we left town... and I think it's getting to the point that people are just refusing to travel. My rant on gas prices is for another day, however.

Coming home is always nice (especially now that I don't dread going back to an office). Our 3 kitties have been following us everywhere - behaving as cute as possible for some attention. I haven't been able to sit down without having at least one cat in my lap...

Animal House

2008-06-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

Our family continues to grow... with our latest addition being Sophia. She is a little 3-month-old manx kitten - charcoal gray with orange stripes. Her sisters Gracie and Oreo were initially unsure of what to think about the powder-puff that had invaded their home. Luckily, Oreo realized rather quickly that Sophia is a better play-mate than Gracie (our oldest cat who prefers to sleep all the time). Gracie has taken to cuddling with the kitten when it suits her - but is usually resigned to finding new and creative hiding spots so she can stay out of the way of Sophie & Oreo's wild races around the house. As for Callie - she has wanted to play with the new kitty ever since the first day she came home with us... but it took Sophie almost a month to figure out that the dog is her friend.

Love my babies!

The Best of June - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-06-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

Negotiations was an ongoing process at the company. For me, it was my favorite part of the year! I loved the witty banter between myself and the sales-people at my stations, and the feeling I would get at the end of a negotiation when I had gotten better rates than the buyer before me.

While many of the media buyers got ALL of their negotiations for TV and Radio rates out of the way during first quarter, there were a couple of buyers who simply couldn't get it finished. Part of it may have been because there was no spending commitment from the clients, or the stations didn't have the ability to work more than one quarter ahead for rates, or it may have simply been laziness.

My biggest problem with everyone in the office was the sense of fucking entitlement everybody wore on their sleeve every damn day. I think it's either a generational thing or an advertising thing. Many TV & Radio stations will try to entice more business out of you with promises of free vacations and loot (surrender the booty)... but our directive was to make the best decisions for our clients and never promise anything to our stations.

Great plan... but there are exceptions to the rule. One guy in my department thought that for all of his ass-busting (as though he was the only one who worked), he should be able to make empty promises for free stuff. He would give out his home mailing address so when he was receiving gifts they wouldn't come to the office (and under The Boss' control). Now it wasn't a bad idea because The Boss had a problem keeping her grubby little paws off anything that came through the door (she opened a couple of personal packages of mine from online purchases that needed to be signed for). However, this guy was receiving travel vouchers and airline mileage packages, tickets to exclusive events like golf tournaments, and FOOD (we're talking about hams, giant fruit baskets, and boxes of cookies).

Everyone else in the department who received "gifts" from stations shared their loot with everyone. At Christmas - things would get a little out-of-control with packages coming in - and we would be surrounded by chocolates and evaporated fruits through February. My point being - - we shared.

So as the rules applied to us - one guy made himself the exception and hasn't gotten into trouble for it to this day. The other person the rules didn't apply to? The Boss, of course. When food stuffs would come in for her, she definitely shared... but everything else was HERS HERS HERS. If she wanted to go to a concert, she'd badger her stations for free passes. If she wanted to travel, she'd badger her stations for plane tickets. If she wanted new clothes, she would convince her stations to send her gift cards. So much hypocrisy.

Which leads back to what I started with... ENTITLEMENT. I am sick of people thinking that just showing up to work is reason enough to get paid. I hate that by doing their jobs they think they deserve more than their pay. I get irritated with the overall work ethic that is sweeping across this country. People are expecting everything to be handed to them.

My husband and I are doing VERY GOOD financially. My company has thrived thanks to personal referrals from my existing clients bringing in a TON of new business as people hear that I'm available full-time for faceting. For my husband - he puts every last brain cell to work when he is on the clock - and at the end of the day he is mentally drained. His company recognizes his efforts, and they pay him well for it. Each evening we enjoy the fruits of our labors... by having a nice dinner on our back porch, enjoying a glass of wine, and listening to the breeze through our trees. Not because we deserve it, but because we earned it.

ROSES!!!

2008-06-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

My rose garden has returned! I have beautiful, fragrant blooms bursting from my plants. My climbing rose tree is almost 6 feet tall right now - and my other rose bushes have come back in full force with brilliant reds and pinks. I realize that I do need to plant yellow roses this year though - to add to my spectrum of colors.

Getting Fit

2008-06-01T16:04:00.000-07:00

I've joined the fitness bandwagon! Last spring my hubby and I were convinced by a friend of mine to join World Gym... and after 4 solid months of going 3-4 times a week I stepped on the scale. I hadn't lost any weight and wasn't noticing a difference in the fit of my clothes (and yes , I know muscle weighs more than fat). It was a blow to my motivation. I wanted to be hot & spicy for a cruise were going on last year - and everything I tried on just felt funny and looked awkward. I ended up only buying 2 new outfits for the trip.

So life changes - and my husband got a new job - and we quit the gym. I became a housewife and have been maintaining the same weight ever since, the same weight I've been for the last 4 years (still wearing the same old clothes)... well up until last month.

I got re-motivated to tighten and tone my body... but this time I say BOO to gyms! The meat-market is not for me. I joined Curves. I joined it and I LOVE it! In one month I've lost over 7 inches! I'm one of the top losers at the club for May!!! My pants are already too big! WHEEEE!!!

The Best of May - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-05-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

Bust your ass - only to be beaten down. That is the way of the company.

Last year in May one of my company's oldest clients was threatening to take their business elsewhere. They gave us 2 days to prove that we were worth what we were being paid. The Boss gave me a few tasks - such as building a chart to compare their previous years advertising costs (by week) to the number of product sales they had - and building a cross-referencing booklet showing how much money we were saving for them in advertising. It was a ton of information considering I was compiling roughly 48 weeks of random stuff from different programs and departments of the building. I worked my frigging ass off to get it done. I stayed past midnight both nights - and was back at work at the crack of dawn each day. It sucked - but I believed in what we were trying to communicate and wanted to help with the solution.

The last night as I was getting ready to drive my weary body home - The Boss told me she wanted me at the office for the presentation to the client the following morning. I had 6 hours to go home, sleep, bathe, and get back to work for the 7 am meeting. Thirty minutes to drive home, then pull my business suit out of the closet and set my alarm. I got up a few short hours later to jump in the shower, dry and style my hair, and drive 30 minutes back to work.

The Boss was late to the office (AS USUAL) - arriving only 5 minutes before the meeting was to begin. She pulled me aside and asked me why I wore a suit, to which I replied that considering we were fighting to keep a client I thought I should dress like I cared (she was wearing her navy blue pants with a beige and ivory octagon pattern on them - which are 2 inches too short - and a pit-stained white t-shirt with a navy blue vest). She then rolled her eyes at me and told me she didn't actually want me to be a part of the meeting since she had the chance to go home and sleep on it... explaining that it would be a bad idea to put too many faces in the room for the client.

I wanted to punch her in her little bull-dog face and see her flabby jowels jiggle. Instead I went for a drive - to contemplate if I wanted to go looking for a new job that day. My husband and I had already made the decision to quit a few weeks earlier - and that was ultimately what brought me back. I wanted to see the look on her ugly mug when she would find out that we were both going to dump her.

It was totally worth it too.

Stimulus

2008-05-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

The economic stimulus check was a nice summer bonus in our house, allowing us to move up some purchases we've been saving up for.

My husband got the bulk of the benefit (as he should since he's the breadwinner). He now has a super juiced-up Intel Core 2 Quad computer with 4 gigs of ram, nVidia 8800 GTS, and crazy over-clocking ability. IT'S BEEFY! Just last night he was online gaming and is able to crank up the graphics so much that the screen looks like it's displaying photographs!

For me - I bought a die-cutting machine by Cricut. I got tired of hand-cutting stuff out for my crafting hobbies. Just like in the infomercial - I use it for creative projects like cards and tags, and also in my scrapbook. Besides die-cutting, I can place markers in the machine and it will draw on my pages for me. I've been using my new gadget like mad!

We're planning to get a bed-liner for our truck next, a multi-purpose stone cutting and cabbing machine, and new furniture for our 3rd bedroom. It's so nice to move up items on our wish list, while still saving for retirement, and investing during this time the stock market prices are low.

To add icing on our little cake of happiness - my hubby got a raise, and my home business is getting extra busy with several new out-of-state clients.

Visitors

2008-05-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

It's been about 6 months since I last checked my blog status - and not surprisingly I've been getting more visits than ever since I left my former company. My blog here has even been making pretty decent money because I'm getting so many lookers (thanks for the bonus income BTW). Oddly enough - NO ONE BOTHERS LEAVING COMMENTS ANYMORE. C'mon people - if you're going to visit to get the latest scoop on The Boss, Panic Attack, Pretty-Boy, and others, the least you can do is leave a comment! I've got stories to entertain you for at least 2 more years - so share a comment to let me know if you at least are enjoying what you're reading.

Oh - and to The Boss - You should know by now that I only update my blog every 7 days or so. You don't have to keep visiting 3 times a week.

Scraptastic

2008-05-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

Being a work-from-home wife has its advantages a plenty! Whenever I have downtime in my business, I have my choices of things to do. Some of these "things to fill my day" include dusting, doing laundry, organizing my digital photos (nearly 5,000), putting paperwork in the file cabinet, washing dishes, sewing my new Renaissance Festival costume, etc.

I've always been the one to carry a camera. I love taking pictures - and when you take enough you capture some of those perfect moments that stick with you throughout your life. I would even venture to say that camera-holics run in my family because in going through Grandma's and Mother's old albums - I have almost 1,000 pictures cataloging the eras of their lives.

Lately I spend a lot of my downtime scrap booking. About 10 years ago I got into the hobby thanks to a co-worker who had Creative Memories parties at her house every month. I purchased a few stickers and a pair of scissors, and was on my way. Over time I've created about 700 scrapbook pages from my birth up through 2002. My latest project is printing digital pictures from the last 5 years since I met my husband. It's fun for me - and I like it more than photo albums because my scrapbooks tell a story.

Looking back through my inherited albums - I know it's going to be a huge challenge scrapbooking the hundreds of old photos because most of the pics are candid shots from when Grandma was in her 20s. She had 14 brothers and sisters - and I only have one family portrait of all of them that tells me who is who. So many names! And then they grew up and had kids and grandkids... The entire project is on hold until I can get everything converted to digital files. The old glue on everything is beginning to deteriorate the back of the photos - and it's too much family history to let go of. (Another thing on my to-do list - SCANNING OLD PHOTOS).

Hopefully that's something I can get off my list in the next week or two :-)

Spring Cleaning

2008-05-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

We're nearly done with the expansion in our basement, the back yard has been weeded and cleaned up, sprinklers are working, and I'm almost back to being completely organized.

This year I plan to have spring cleaning include:

1) Getting rid of the BOXES of technology magazines my husband has been holding on to for over 5 years. I think that anything over 2 years old is probably completely obsolete by now - and if it's not it's posted on the internet somewhere.

2) Cleaning out the garage and building a few benches so everything isn't stacked anymore. It would be nice to not have to climb over a band saw to get to our camping gear. Maybe install the garage door opener in the process...

3) Arranging up my fabric drawers in the closet upstairs. If I could find all of my coordinating colors I may actually get a chance to sew up a couple of new costumes for the Renaissance Fair.

4) Seal the driveway so the concrete quits getting the crumbly little cracks all over. BOO!

5) Shred paperwork that's over 7 years old - I have a HUGE filing cabinet for business / personal stuff, but between me & my hubby it's overflowing!

The Best of April - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-04-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

I don't think I will ever run out of gossip. I have officially been away from the advertising agency for 6 months, but I have stories to last a lifetime!!!

Back in December 2006 - Panic Attack began planning her annual client meeting. This is an opportunity for all of the guys in one organization to get together, figure out their advertising strategy for the next year, and budget for everything. That's all well and good - except the meeting is consistently held in Hawaii. What actually happens is the clients show up, go golfing, and expect the advertising agency to foot the bill for everything. Whatever.

Panic Attack truly wishes that the clients will one day develop a sincere desire to care about their advertising... but it's been 15 years and I seriously doubt that anyone can teach the old dogs new tricks. Her hopes in December 2006 were that if we could get some nice gear from the major TV networks to use as prizes for participation in team-building events for the clients... the guys would actually give a crap.

I had worked at an NBC affiliate TV station years before, and still had some contacts at corporate. I volunteered with, "Let me make a few calls to my contacts... maybe there's some promotional items to be shared with us." BEFORE I EVEN FINISHED MY SENTENCE - The Boss broke in with, "We can't help you." Gee - thanks for answering for me, bitch. Bless Panic Attack - she looked at The Boss and said, "Let her look into it. I don't expect anything, but if Conqueress can come up with SOMETHING that would be great!"

Par for the course - immediately after the meeting I was summoned into The Boss's office for a closed-door meeting. "I am sick of your can-do attitude. You're just going to let people down and I'm not going to defend you. If you want to try to make this happen, I won't support it with time or energy from the Media department. You need to make those call in your free time on your dollar." This woman actually wonders why people hate her? My response? "Fine."

"Don't let me catch you on the phone with anyone that's not on your client list. I won't hesitate to search the phone logs to make sure you're not making those calls on the company dollar." "Okay." "You just need to do your job and not try to help anyone else." "Umm..." "I've tried to pull stuff off like this before and failed. Your small-town mentality won't work on big city corporate people. They don't even want to deal with someone like you - you don't even have a degree!" I want to tell her that she FAILED because she treats everyone like a second-class citizen and no one in power over a situation wants to do favors for angry little Nazis. I left thinking that as kids we are taught to help others and to try to be effective members of society. I can't and WON'T stop doing what I think is the right thing to do, especially just because an angry hateful bitch told me to stop.

In the mornings during MY drive to work and on MY lunch break, I made MY phone calls to MY contacts on MY phone using MY money. I spoke to the assistants of CEOs and Media Directors in New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles - and every person was wonderfully pleasant! Everyone had questions about what kind of event was going on, who the clients were, what types of goodies I was wanting... and I always replied with, "I don't want to be picky since beggars can't be choosers. It would be nice to give our clients gifts representative of your appreciation for them advertising on your stations for over 20 years."

Two weeks later a HUGE box arrived from NBC. It was filled to the top with awesome gimmies - embroidered baseball caps and duffel bags, branded note cubes and martini glasses, silk-screened mini laptop mice, engraved stainless steel pens, 1 Gig thumb drives on lanyards, sealed DVDs of special programs... and that was just in the top half of the box!

The next week another HUGE box - this time from Comcast. Embroidered jackets, polo shirts, leather-bound embossed notepads... CBS, ABC stuff followed soon after.

Panic Attack was giddy. When the April trip came - several team building events were ready for the clients with incentives of giant duffel bags filled to the top with goodies for people who actually participated. And they did participate!

The Boss still hated me. I would chuckle to myself just thinking about how she had taken home the phone records to check on my calls... wasted hours trying to catch me NOT following directions. I was glad to have done it on my own time, and to have proved her wrong - AGAIN!

Maidenform

2008-04-15T14:57:00.000-07:00

Vote for my photo

Lasik Surgery vs. ICL

2008-04-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

It has been exactly one year since I had my eye surgery completed. It was a long road that took some strange turns - so now that I'm completely through my recovery I'd like to share my story.

When I was in 2nd Grade I started having terrible headaches in class. My teacher thought I was just being lazy, the school nurse though it was stress-related, and my mother was the only one who thought my eyes might be bad. Sure enough - a visit to the family optometrist proved I needed glasses. It seemed odd to my whole family because everyone had made it to the age of 15 before they needed any vision assistance (including my older brothers, who were age 20 & 22 at the time). I got my first pair of glasses at age 8, and it was just me and the retarded kid wearing them all through elementary school. Yeah - I was way popular.

At age 14 I began actively competing in scholarship pageants and programs, and my mother decided it was time for me to convert to contacts. We had moved across the state by then, so we found a new doctor who wasn't afraid to tell us like it was. I had extreme astigmatism... and my vision was worse than my brothers and my parents. To me, I just had progressively gotten a little worse every year and didn't think my eyes were THAT bad. The doctor explained that he could get me into contacts that would improve my vision - but I would never be able to see 20/20 with them.

I wore my new eyes for competition, and on special occasions, but was in my glasses the rest of the time. It was too hard to read without glasses - and I'd been wearing them so long that I felt almost naked without them.

So that's the way it was until I moved to Arizona. I began to research laser eye surgery when I was 21 because my eyes had gotten so bad that contacts weren't a good alternative even for "special occasions", and the "birth-control lenses" in my glasses weren't helping my dating life. I went so far as to put a deposit down for my surgery when the cattle clinic I went to popped up in the news for 3 cases of blindness in one year. In response, there were public service campaigns all over Phoenix for laser eye clinics - trying to restore positive opinions about Lasik and related surgeries. To me it didn't matter, I got my deposit back and was too afraid to think about it again for a long time.

Last March I visited my eye doctor for my annual exam - and spoke to him at length about contact technology. I had a pair of contacts that I would use once or twice a year, but wanted to get into something more comfortable for long-term use. He took a deep breath and said to me, "The best vision I can give you in contacts would barely make you legal to drive... I would even recommend driving glasses to go with your contacts. It may be a better idea to see what alternatives are out there for eye surgery in your case." Yes - my eye doctor referred my business away since my eyes were so crappy.

An example of my vision without glasses - I could see colors and basic shapes only.

I started researching again... and found a world renowned eye surgeon who specialized in cataract procedures, and was the person who thousands of Lasik surgeons trained under to get their certifications. He had been in business for almost 30 years, and had an impressive list of celebrity clients and references (70% of the medical professionals in my city who had laser eye surgery had gone to him). After talking it over with my husband, I made an appointment.

The first order of business was to analyze my eyes and see if I was even a candidate for Lasik. My eyes were dilated, pupils measured, corneas scanned, and then I was put into an examination room to wait. A young doctor came in about 15 minutes later and sat down with a grim expression. "Your astigmatism is the worst I've seen in years. I'm not sure what kind of procedure you qualify for... so I'm referring you up to our lead surgeon." He left.

I sat and waited another 10 minutes - and then the doctor I had read so much about walked in. He was a distinguished older man with a calm demeanor that instantly put me at ease. "Let's talk about your alternatives. There may not be enough material in your eye to allow us to make a Lasik correction. We could attempt it, but if the tissues are thinned out too much to try to correct for your extreme astigmatism the correction may not last beyond a couple of months. Also - Lasik is permanent and whatever the outcome you will have to live with the result. At your age, the next suggestion I want you to consider is an ICL - Implantable Contact Lens. It is similar to the procedure used in cataract patients where we would place a hard floating lens behind your cornea. It would give you 20/20 correction without a doubt - and if you have any more changes in sight we would simply change out the ICL later in your life." I was sent home with a pile of paperwork to read through and more questions than ever.

I read every last piece of paper my doctor had sent me home with. I researched countless articles online. Here's the summary of what it came down to in my decision:

- Lasik and similar procedures have been practiced for nearly 35 years.
- ICLs have been used in cataract patients for decades, but only used in patients with healthy eyes for the last 12 years.

- Lasik is permanent.
- ICL is reversible.

- Lasik does not guarantee 20/20 vision in my case.
- ICL guarantees 20/20 vision in my case.

- Lasik has a long recovery period (up to 1 year).
- ICL recovery is almost instant.

- Lasik will not further effect your eyes once the recovery period is over.
- ICL causes cataracts in many healthy eye patients within 10 years.

- Lasik (at a clinic that doesn't herd people through like cattle) should run in the $3,000 ballpark.
- ICL is only performed at professional eye clinics and runs in the $4,500 ballpark.

Price was not a big deal - I had started saving up for eye surgery the first time it was mentioned by my eye doctor. With our tax return last year, there was more than enough money to cover either procedure and still pay for vacation. I had to consider my age first and foremost to determine what would be my best option. I was torn...

I decided to talk to my optometrist for some extra guidance - because I had trusted him for so long with my eyes. I valued his opinion and wanted his professional evaluation. He told me, "ICL is a risky procedure because not enough is known about it for long-term. If you were older, in your 50's or 60's, and the ICL procedure was recommended as an alternative to Lasik, I would recommend it because your years of good vision are limited - and ICL would give you the best vision at that age. Since you are younger - I have to say that Lasik should be your front-running choice. Even though you may not get 100% correction with the procedure, glasses or contacts would get you there after the procedure, and there are no foreign objects to work around."

I decided I didn't want to face the chance that I could have cataracts in my 30's. Lasik had been around for so long, and the doctor I had chosen knew what he was doing when it came to eyes... so I went back to him with my decision. "I think you're making a great choice. Just know that I can't guarantee 20/20 because of your particular situation - but I will do my best."

My Lasik procedure was over with in 10 minutes. I sat up from the table and could see across the room without any help - it was the first time for me to see like that in 20 years. While it was like seeing through watered-down milk, I could still see things people take for granted (hands on the wall clock, the outlines of trees in the distance, people faces across a room). I took it easy on my eyeballs for a few weeks - following all of the recommended care while adding a week to everything (wearing goggles at night, using eye drops, not wearing makeup). With each monthly follow-up I was seeing better and better - 20/60, 20/50, 20/40... my eyes were always a little off of each other, but close in correction.

At 3 months I had my last healing follow-up. My right eye was 20/40. My left eye was 20/15. There was concern that my right eye might not catch up and I would need to wear a contact in that one. My doctor decided to wait for a little more healing to see if the correction could be made with an adjustment surgery. At 6 months I went in to see if it would be another surgery in the right eye or wearing a contact on my right eye from there on... and to everyone's surprise I was at 20/20 in my right eye. NOTHING NEEDED!!!

The money I spent to have the procedure done (even with the potential to still need some correction) was the best money I've ever spent. I see the world differently than ever have and it's incredible! I cried eight months after surgery when I was looking at the night sky and could see the stars... STARS!!! I had only been able to see a fuzzy moon even with glasses for over a decade.

What 20/20 vision has done for my outlook on life!

For fun I went in to have my eyes checked again - and at one year both of my eyes are at 20/20.

Moving Right Along...

2008-04-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

It always takes some time to get back into the swing of things after vacation. It's usually a week to catch up on laundry, and another week to fully restore old habits.

Our vacation ended almost a month ago, and just this week I feel like I've caught up.

The difference? Clients become desperate when they can't reach you (regardless of what the answering machine says). Then they find more projects for when you do get back to them... and everything is urgent. I spent a solid week doing work orders - no time for laundry, no time for vacuuming, no time for cooking.

Also - there's a project we're doing in our basement. We've had our permit to add a room in our house for about 8 months - and we're down to the last of the work for the final inspection. So on the weekends when I could have been catching up on house stuff and restoring order, we were hanging sheet rock (thanks Lady D - for loaning us your husband).

On top of that - we've made the decision to become more active for overall health. We go bike riding, or frisbee golfing, or walking. An hour or two every afternoon is a nice change considering that at the advertising agency we would never leave before sundown. Now we exercise, come home and cook dinner, then work on our house project.

Finally - I've started an intense hormone treatment. I won't go into the long explanation, but I've got a cocktail from my doctor that is loaded with side-effects. Everything from emotional swings and hair loss, to hot flashes and disconnected memory. Good times!

So this week I feel back to normal for the first time since vacation. The house is clean, my sleeping schedule is about normal, the laundry is all caught up, and the animals are calm again.

Tee-Hee

2008-03-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

Just for kicks - my husband and I created personal avatars...

Relaxation... At Last

2008-03-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

There is nothing more refreshing than to come home from a vacation and feel like you actually had a vacation. My husband and I had the most amazing time on this trip with our friends!

The basics of our trip went as follows:

Day 1 - Meet friends at the airport, go to the resort near the bay, get cleaned up and walk down the street to an AMAZING Italian restaurant for a long dinner (complete with espresso and Tiramisu for dessert), check out an EXTREMELY expensive car on the way back to the resort (see Chad below), then get a good night sleep.

Day 2 - Have breakfast around the corner at a French pastry shoppe (mmm, quiche), head back to the resort and relax by the pool until it's time to go to the ship (Kathy & Chad below). Get some Pina Coladas as soon as we board the ship, followed by a couple's massage... then a 2-hour soak in the hot tub with our friends before dinner. Head to our cabin to be gently rocked to sleep by the swaying of the ship.

Day 3 - Take a trolley into Key West where Kathy & Chad had honeymooned (they gave us the grand tour) - Kermit's Key Lime shop where we bought cookies and salsa, the boardwalk where you can get any kind of fresh seafood you want from the boats docked, the Hemmingway House where we all got to baby some 6-toed kitties, stroll down the street to the Green Parrot Bar for a cold beer, then have lunch at a restaurant that serves BEST Mojitos I have ever enjoyed (and every dish came with fried plantains).Go back to the ship, spend time swimming in the salt-water pool, take a soak in the hot tub with some cold beverages, put on formal wear, enjoy a 5-course meal, wander to the cigar bar where Pedro (an incredible flamenco guitarist) serenaded us while we enjoyed some smooth smokes and drinks. Head to our cabin to be gently rocked to sleep by the swaying of the ship.

Day 4 - Sleep in until about 11AM... meet friends for breakfast on board the ship, disembark to do a little shopping in Cozumel, catch a bus to a jungle preserve, ride ATVs through the jungle for a few hours (and get COVERED in dirt), head back to the ship to clean up, meet friends by the pool for pizza and beer, go mini-golfing as the ship leaves port, spend a little money in the casino, go to a Park West Galleries Art Auction and see original pieces by modern artists (as well as Rembrant, Picasso, and Dali), go to dinner, then explore the ship. Head to our cabin to be gently rocked to sleep by the swaying of the ship (seeing a pattern?).

Day 5 - Catch a ferry from the ship into the docks at Belize, hop on a bus and take a ride deep into the jungle, hike around for a little while then grab some safety gear and climb a tree, take a Zip Line Tour around the jungle for a couple of hours, rappel down to the jungle floor and walk to have a home-cooked lunch of chicken on a bed of coconut-milk rice, take a nap on the short bus ride back to the docks, do a little gift hunting for the nieces and nephews, ride the ferry back to the ship. Go to the arcade for a little while, swim in the pool, eat a fresh crepe, soak in the hot tub, play chess in the safari lounge at the back of the ship, go to dinner, head up to the cigar bar for after-dinner drinks. Head to our cabin as listed above.

Day 6 - Meet up with our friends in the theater, catch a ferry to the docks at Playa Del Carmen, ride a bus to the Coba Mayan Ruins, hike all over the site for several hours (take pictures, climb ruins, relax in the shade), ride back to Playa Del Carmen, wander and haggle at the shops in the city (bought an amazing piece of Obsidian for $20), run into an old friend while waiting to catch the ferry back to the ship (small world).Watch the coast of Playa Del Carmen fade on the horizon (see below), meet up with everyone at the pool, swim for while, play some at the casino, get into our formal outfits, enjoy a 5-course meal, go to the top deck and boogie in the disco (I have video), move the group to the cigar bar and listen to Pedro play again... and after his regular set there were only 3 in the lounge so Pedro sat at our table and played some extra tunes for us. Head back to cabin as above.

Day 7 - Sleep until noon, get up and have some lunch, do a little on-board shopping to bring back a "Thank You" for our pet-sitter, head into the safari lounge to play chess, move to the schooner bar for drinks and to claim a Gyro-pool Table (Gyroscopic so you can play at sea), eventually meet up with all of our friends (Kathy & Chad, and dinner friends Allison & Chris), get some pairs games going at the table, relax between games in a nearby window seat with a Bellini and watch the ocean, listen to Pedro play one last time, go to dinner (Key Lime Pie for dessert, YAY), go up to the cigar bar for drinks and smokes. Head to our cabin to be gently rocked to sleep by the swaying of the ship one last time...
What an amazing vacation!

The Best of March - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-03-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

Excessive drinking becomes a way of life when one works for my former company. Many employees are currently battling the demons caused by that place with alcohol. I can't blame any of them...

So the company recently renovated their lobby - I imagine to keep up their image for when clients come to visit. I've seen the changes, and it is impressive for people coming in the front doors to see nice furniture, designer flooring, and a 2-story water feature... but each my friends who still work there have all said, "There goes my raise for the next 5 years."

At a cost of just over $100,000 - you're damn right! You can figure that with an average of 55 non-manager employees, that's over $1,800 per person (managers get a separate bonus each year). Yes - it's an investment in the future... but maybe if the agency invested in their employees there would be even MORE money to go around.

I busted my ass at the agency for 3 years with no raise - only empty promises from that evil bloodhound-faced bitch I refer to as The Boss. In my former department, only 2 out of 11 people had received a raise since 2005. The two people were the eldest members of the team who were both hard workers, but no more so than anyone else.

One afternoon the group of us decided to go to the bar after work to decompress. I soon learned that one employee who had been a personal friend of The Boss was only offered a raise when she turned in her 3-week notice. Apparently, in her 13 years with the agency, she had only received 2 raises! WTFO? How desperate do you to be to allow any company to do that to you?

Anyway - back to the drinking problems. The company tried to boost morale last year with an over-the-top summer picnic as well as a trip to Denver to watch the Rockies play (again - forget raises - apparently people really want crappy seats to a baseball game and a disorganized picnic). Woowoo! I think the managers know they drive their employees to drink - because they provided excessive amounts of alcohol at the company picnic and on the bus to and from the Rockies game.

Look! I'm crushing a Dodgers player like Zeus would from Mt. Olympus!!!

Is there anything wrong with providing alcohol? No - unless the managers knowingly let drunk people drive themselves home from said events where the company provided the drinkage.

On the bus ride home from the Rockies game there were 50+ dehydrated employees hitting the alcohol. Some had just a beer, but there were a few others who took it past the point of being appropriate. I had my camera with me that day (I started taking my camera to all company events for blackmail purposes). I have pictures of several ladies pouring beer on each other for a wet t-shirt contest. I have pictures of some gals trying to smother a married male manager with cleavage. I have pictures of a gal who took her pants off because her clothes were soaked with alcohol and quote "They were feeling itchy". I would say about 15 of the people on that field trip were belligerently drunk by the time the bus got back to the office.

To be fair - the owner of the company expressed great concern about the welfare of the drunken people. He offered to pay for taxis for anyone who felt they had too much to drink. HOWEVER, one of the managers trumped him. The manager asked each of the drunk people if they were good to drive home. Many of the employees said they would have some water in the lunchroom at the office and would be fine to drive, a few caught a ride home with a co-worker and said they would get their vehicle the following day.

Two employees were so drunk they were incoherent. Both of them drove home. Thank God they didn't kill anyone or the company would be out-of-business from liability suits!

If You Like Pina Coladas...

2008-02-27T18:51:00.000-08:00

My husband doesn't usually get excited for vacation until a day or two before we leave (he's very reserved in that manner). This year he's been extremely giddy though, and I think it's because of who we're traveling with. He keeps talking about how great it's going to be to relax with friends, have a few drinks, and hang out without worrying about running out of time to just sit and talk like we all do when we're together.

I tend to start dreaming about vacation when it's still two months away... and this year has been no exception. I've been having an awesome time planning this year because my girlfriend and I have been sending e-mails back & forth, discussing packing, sending links to fancy new dresses, booking flights and hotels - a partner in planning makes everything more fun!

The house & pet-sitter is scheduled, my business associates have been notified, everything is packed and by the front door - I think I'm mentally on vaca already.

All I can think about is that first round of Pina Coladas and sailing into the sunset.

Spa Time

2008-02-22T22:20:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite things to to do for myself is spa treatments. Last night I went to have a pedicure in preparation for vacation. My feet really needed the attention - and it was worth every penny. A hot foot bath, then a deep tissue massage from my knees down to my toes, a menthol wrap, hot paraffin wax moisturizer, and candy pink nail polish.

I love being a girl!!!

Psychic?

2008-02-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

I turned on the TV yesterday afternoon for some background noise while I was working... and Montel was on with "psychic" Sylvia Brown. This woman had the dirty smoker voice, like you would hear dialing a 1-900 number. She's as good a psychic as I am an astronaut.

The people in the audience were standing up asking deep questions - and she was shooting off answers like she was holding a machine gun.

Q: I've been involved in a legal battle. Will I win my lawsuit?
A: Yes, because 3 people will stand on your side. (Well, then there's that whole issue of the counter suit - so with legal fess you'll actually be out several thousand)

Q: There's been a lot going on in my life financially. Should I buy a house I'm looking at?
A: Yes, you can never go wrong with buying a house. (That $300,000 home that will be swept out from under you in a year because you can't afford it because you listened to a wacko)

Q: My father has a brain tumor - will his condition affect my life?
A: No, he doesn't think so. (Except the whole chemotherapy thing, incontinence, hospital bills and stuff)

WTFO? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I could have given the same vague answers. She's pretending to be Nostradamus - but NO ONE CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE. You make it happen yourself.

I think there are forces at work in this world that affect us all. Life is energy - plants with photosynthesis, animals with digestion, our planet with the undulating of oceans, wind, fire, lightening. It's all energy, and it is everywhere. The ability to feel it to me is intuition.

I only really notice the sensations when I'm around people. It's like being energized by someone's essence when they get near me.

With deceitful, dark souls - I get a cold feeling, and a strange smell enters my nose, and almost like feeling a bit nauseated... I stay away.

With honest, light souls - I feel tingling like being excited for a holiday, and I see light (like a halo around the moon effect)... I seek them out.

Going shopping at the mall or grocery store drives me crazy because I get it from everywhere. Almost like a sensory overload at the holidays. When I need to go shopping I either go first thing in the morning, or late at night when crowds are down. I think I am sensitive to energy, but that's all.

It's not a superhuman power, I can't sense spirits or tell you winning lottery numbers, I just trust my intuition.

The Best of February - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-02-18T18:43:00.000-08:00

Life is full of irony. Sometimes it's the fun Irony that you look back on and have a good hearty laugh. Sometimes it's the Irony that wakes a great revelation in your life's path and leads you on to better things. Then there's Irony like I experienced this month - the kind that's awkward - like a burning rash... on your ass.

I "went out" with a lot of nice boys in High School. I'm still friends with many of them. It would seem my sense for picking deep-down good people to have in my life has been up and running for years! We keep in touch via the web - and I've ended up making custom jewelry for their now girlfriends / wives.

Phoenix was the city where I actually "dated". If someone asked me out (and they weren't creepy), I'd go out. I dated all types - - A heart surgeon, a cop, a finance manager, a car salesman, a firefighter, a radio DJ - I can't even remember names anymore. It was just casual dating, where you meet up for dinner and talk awhile, maybe go to a movie, and if you had a nice time you'd go out again. They never found out where I lived because I was paranoid (thanks to my psycho stalker in college). Most weren't interesting or unique - so I didn't keep in touch - with one exception.

I dated a guy off and on for 2 years. While things didn't work for us as a couple, we have enough in common to be pretty good friends. His company offered to help him transfer to Colorado (to a town we liked after passing through on a road trip a year earlier) - and knowing that the desert was killing me, he asked if I'd want to get my stuff moved out of Arizona (he would keep things in order until I could find a job and apartment in the new city). I got new job, sold my home in Arizona, was reunited with my belongings in Colorado, my mom passed away, I went back to Montana to help my dad for awhile - - my ex took care of my cat and my stuff. I returned to Colorado to move ahead with life. My new job payed well, I moved into a nice little apartment, but I drank a *LOT* in my off time. Looking back, I know I was the weakest I had ever been, but it was easier to drink until I fell asleep than to reach out to anyone. After about 4 months of the drunken cycle - I knew it was time for a change. I called a shrink. I was able to talk about the pain. I quit drinking. I got better.

I met my husband as soon as my life took a mental upturn. We're just shy of our 5 year anniversary - and I am thankful everyday for the life we share. What we've created together is more amazing than I could have ever hoped for from a marriage... It sounds cliche, but he's my soul-mate, and every time I look in his eyes I see our lives just getting better together. Over the years we've had time to embrace and appreciate our past, and while he's not one for keeping in touch with many people outside of family and our close-knit group of friends, he's very sweet about the friendships I still have from before we met.

How does all of this relate to Advertising? My regular readers know about my old company and the nightmare that is the evil cloven-foot midget troll... and I think everyone can agree that the company is ass backwards. I still have friends there, so I get the updates from my minions every couple of weeks either by meeting up for lunch or by having ex-coworker friends over to the house. Early this month I met up with my Boyz from art. It's become my routine to pick them up to go to lunch... We hang out and have a good laugh at the expense of the incompetent idiots that are constantly swarming (like flies to horse shit) into the company. Good times.

Most recently I dropped the art Boyz off after lunch, and was driving out of the parking lot when I almost hit my ex from Arizona. Irony - like a bad rash. I would contribute the feeling to surprise overall... but ugh! Yes, we're still friends - we've known each other almost 8 years. Heck - if not for my ex I would have never moved here. If I hadn't moved I would have never met the love of my life. So not bad... but ugh again!!! Seeing him at that company was the bad rash. After having a quick chat - and knowing that's he's joined the insanity is just f-ing hilarious - and the irony evolved.

I now see Irony of the Obscene Hilarity sort - the kind that makes you snort from laughing too hard.

Memories of Movie Stars

2008-02-15T09:09:00.000-08:00

As I've mentioned before, I grew up in a small town in Montana. It's a place off the beaten path that most people have never even heard of, and it's great that way. The people who live in the area are generations of families that have passed down the farm, or horse ranch, or piece of mountain land with a cabin - well that's mostly who lives there. The other people are rock stars and movie icons. To name a few - Tom Cruise, Andie MacDowell, Huey Lewis, Ted Turner. I believe the A-listers who move there do so because everyone else in town doesn't give a crap who you are as long as you don't cause any trouble.

I always thought highly of Andie MacDowell due to her philanthropic ventures and thoughtful choice of acting roles. Once she moved to my hometown, she had the desire to just be at home there and got involved in the community. We began to cross paths - as volunteer performers at a Halloween haunted house, at a fund raiser for a small university located out-of-state, and eventually her daughter was taking dance classes at a studio where I was an assistant instructor.

It cracked me up how whenever I'd see Andie and her husband - he was running around in overalls and flannel shirts, no matter the occasion. We had time to talk more between dance classes, and to my surprise I learned that she owned a house in the mountains which shared a property line with a close friend of mine. I ended up making a quick stop by her house a couple times, and she visited me for coffee. She was just like any other acquaintance I had back home. Say hello, have some coffee, catch up on life's happenings. Not a surprise that she was once quoted as saying, "My life in Montana is so diverse from my Hollywood life that it even feels odd for me to go from one to the other." She was just another face in Montana.

Since we knew each other casually, I didn't keep in touch once I left the state. My father still lives in the area, and over the years I've traveled back as much as I can. Dad being a retired farm-boy always keeps up on the small-town news, and has had a few choice things to say about his neighbors that like to stir the pot. I get an update every time I talk to him, and had nearly forgotten one of his rantings until I was watching a Discovery Channel special about the beloved wolves of my hometown. The show talked about a revolutionary program that has been put in place for a pack of wolves to return to the wild, and what a difference it has made in assisting in the recovery of an endangered species.

So back to not giving a crap who you are as long as you don't cause any trouble... Andie MacDowell's property was located within the zone of the wolf rehabilitation program. Whenever a property is bought or sold, the Forest Service requires you to acknowledge that you understand the dangers of living in the area, including the importance of not creating any enticements for the rehabilitating wolves - so they discourage having outdoor pets, small livestock (sheep/goats), or any type of birds (chickens/ducks), and they REQUIRE that you have lock-top garbage cans. All basic knowledge, but if you're from a city you might not think of the simple precautions.

My father's big hubub a few years back was that the wolf rehab project may be shut down because of attacks on pets in the area. His biggest beef was that Andie MacDowell was the front running voice for the shutdown. There was talk that because of attacks on area dogs, the wolves would be tracked and destroyed - before there was an attack on humans (particularly kids walking home from the school bus stop). Over the course of many heated debates - it was eventually revealed that on a particularly cold night, Andie had seen the wolves on her property and felt sorry for them, so she cooked up some hamburgers and threw the meat off her back porch. A few nights later the wolves were back, so she repeated the feeding process, and continued to do so every time she saw the wolves thereafter. It had seemed like a good arrangement because she believed was preventing the local wildlife from starving, and could watch them from the safety of her home.

The wolves became a "threatening and deadly nuisance" the day her family came home to find their pet dogs slaughtered - with wolf prints all around in the snow. A few more pets in the area were attacked in the weeks that followed, but the disturbances eventually died down.

All pending debates were canceled, fliers were sent remind property owners in the area of the best ways to protect themselves, their pets, and property from wolf attacks, and local papers printed a few short articles that relayed the same general messages.

Andie and her husband eventually divorced and she moved back to North Carolina.

The wolves returned to being a sight rarely seen... and the rehabilitation project continues to this day.

You know, small town people may seem like simple folks, but take their words to heart. They don't say much because they say what needs to be said up front without all the bullshit. If you are told you're living in a wildlife area - just believe it and let the wildlife live as they will... You are the visitor.

Business Growth

2008-02-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

Between December & January, I picked up 3 new clients for my faceting business. All of them were looking for someone to repair tiny gemstones (less than .5 carats). Most gem cutters won't work on small stones because they are troublesome, in many ways. Small stones tend to take flight during repair - ricocheting off the faceting machine, hitting the wall, ultimately landing on the floor (which is a BIG pain if you have carpet). Small stones are also difficult to make precision repairs to because the facets are so tiny. Additionally, many faceters are aging and can't see as well as they once did - so those tiny facets and flying stones pose a big problem.

I get more new clients because their primary faceter refuses to do a repair on a small stone, or wants to charge an outrageous amount for that repair - so they start looking. Thanks to business relationships building over the past 5 years, my goldsmiths refer their friends to me. I have clients across the country simply because of word-of-mouth.

You know that cheesy saying? "Our highest compliment is your references." It's true. I feel such pride when someone I've done work for recommends their friends to call me. It's reassurance that I do quality work, that has good value, and that my customer service goes above and beyond.

So my tiny references grow into repairs on rare and valuable gems - and my business grows. It's taken 5 years to reach a steady pace, but this triumph is mine.

Sea Shells By The Sea Shore

2008-02-05T21:05:00.000-08:00

Ah! Vacation time again - and GOD am I ready. We're visiting the Caribbean with our friends Kathy & Chad. It will be great because we're going away without worries about work, money, or stress - and we'll be with some of the best friends anyone could ask for.

In 2007, my husband and I went on a cruise in early May... and while a cruise should be a time to relax and enjoy just being away, we had more on our minds. I had a miscarriage last year in April - likely brought on by stress according to my doctor. After that event, we decided that The Boss was pushing too much bad moojoo into our lives and the stress was not worth the sacrafices we were making.

Thanks to our trip to Washington DC (to visit above said friends), the plan to leave the company went into action. My husband got his resume out there, and started doing phone interviews every day at lunch, he had 3 offers before we ever left on vacation. Once we were on the ship - we were checking his voice mails every time we came into port for updates. There was a cloud hanging over our heads, lingering just over our shoulder because we knew what was coming next... The trip was amazing, and we got to see and do things many people can only imagine - but the time of returning to home to tell The Boss, "Take this job and shove it," was just around the corner. It wasn't leaving the company that we were dreading, but the bitch-out that was coming from the evil office troll who was our manager.

We honestly believed that when we put all of our eggs into the basket that was the advertising agency - we would be investing in the future of something great. The Boss has a way of ruining lives, though. Goodness forbid anyone be happy in her presence. Goodness forbid anyone has a life - since she can't have one herself.

We sat down the afternoon that we returned from vacation and gave The Boss the news. She blew up, like she always does when she's on the losing side of anything. My husband completed his two weeks of work... and the rest is history.

So here we are - in a new chapter of our lives. This year vacation is a celebration. We are rid of the POISON in our lives, we are better off emotionally, financially, physically, and best of all - we're able to enjoy being HAPPY!!!

Vote For Oreo Speedwagon!

2008-01-29T12:13:00.001-08:00

Help me help other pets! Read my story below!!!

Hi! My name is Oreo and I am an adopted kitty. You see, I was kicked by a heartless brute when I was very young and left for dead in an alley. Someone heard my whines of pain, found me shaking in fear, so they picked me up and took me to the Humane Society. Several x-rays and exams later, it was discovered that my left hind leg was broken and my hip was completely shattered. Everyone feared that I was a lost cause because of the extensive damage - and I just couldn't stop crying. A nice volunteer put a call in to a local veterinarian to see if they would invest their time and energy to help me. My bones were so small and fragile, that all my new friends could do was give me pain killers and hope for the best. The vet sent me home with a new foster family every night to administer my medication, but he knew I would need a lifetime home very soon. One of his assistants told her husband about me, and he knew one of his co-workers had cared for a special needs animal before. One week later the woman and her husband took me home - and further cared for me in recovery. I am almost 2 years old now! In my home, I have the best friends in the world - another adopted cat named Gracie, and an adopted Greyhound named Callie. We all look out for each other and have great times causing mischief! In fact - with Gracie's help I have even learned how to jump on the table and counters!

I want the chance to help other animals find a home too - and you can help me in my mission! Bissel.com is having a photo contest for pets, and if I win I can choose a charity to give $10,000 to - and it would be the Humane Society, because without them and their efforts I wouldn't be alive today.

Click here or on my picture above and visit www.bissel.com . I am entry 4007.

Between January 29 - February 5 - all you need to do is click on my picture, enter your name and e-mail, and I will be one vote closer to helping other pets (you can only vote one time per person)!

Thank you for reading my story!!!

The Best of January - Horror Stories From Advertising

2008-01-26T10:17:00.000-08:00

So my first few months on the job back in 2004 were interesting to say the least. I once asked in a meeting if people could check their paperwork to help the new employees and reduce errors - and was told by The Boss that I may have to look for another job for speaking up. I really should have known that the best way to correct errors is to STFU.

I realized early on that The Boss was a racist - the first time was when she accused me of being one my first week on the job (I was working for a temp agency). We were talking about holidays and travel, and the best way to work out who can be gone when. I mentioned my college room-mate Masami and how we would plan travel so someone was always at our apartment to take care of the cats. The Boss said, "Do you think that's funny? Giving an Asian nickname to someone? You're a racist - and I don't think that's funny at all." I said, "No. Her name was Masami and she is from Japan." Which her follow-up was, "Didn't you find it weird being forced to dorm with someone from another country?" I think my jaw dropped, but I was able to say, "We were friends from Economics class, and decided to share an off-campus apartment." She gave me a full furrowed-brow scowl and went on about her travel tangent.

The travel conversation came up because my father was coming to stay with my husband and I for Christmas, and I wanted two weeks off to be with him, but still come back to my job. The Boss told the temp agency to find a replacement for me to train, and gave a high recommendation for me to be placed elsewhere after - but 4 women had came & went through the department during the two months leading up to my time off. When only 1 week remained before my vacation, The Boss offered me a full-time job to come back to if I could find the right person and get them trained in a week. I spoke to the staffing company, they sent over a computer person at my request, I interviewed him, and started training him that day. The Boss was initially pissed at me because a computer person costs more than a basic temp hire, but once she met him her whole attitude changed. He was almost 30, good-looking, funny, Chinese (I will call him Pet). In that first week of training she took him out to lunch 3 times. She told him to just write in an hour lunch, even if he spent more time out with her than that. She brought him a Christmas gift.

I took my 2 weeks off, loved having the holidays with my hubby and father, and spent time reflecting over the awaiting job offer. I returned to have a welcome from The Boss of "Oh. You're back." I in-processed that first week of January 2005. The Boss moved Pet into her department. RJ had been hired while I was out, and we were just stuck sitting in the office together trying to work together. Pet and The Boss became friends - spending time outside of work together... much to the suspicion of The Boss' husband (since she told me she hadn't had sex with her spouse in over 6 months). Pet got his own cube and new laptop - and played video games all day. The Boss would scold him, and he would invite her to sit and watch him play, and she would. Pet decided to go back to China for the New Years celebration and spend time with his family. The Boss had a big office party for him, and she let everyone know Pet would be coming back after his travel and not to worry about his absence. Pet had only wanted to be part of the team. He called me once to ask if things were okay, but specifically requested I not tell The Boss he called. I think she was hurt... and never realized she smothered him away from the company by playing favorites. Pet never spoke to The Boss again.

In more recent developments - I was contacted by one of the sweetest girls I've ever had the pleasure to work with. She had initiative, foresight, intelligence, and most importantly - she cared. Lady D was a college student with the desire to do her best; at school and in the office. A recent post from her simply informed me she had taken all she could stand from The Boss - and was leaving her position after a recent blowup. Lady D is not one to shout back because she is a lady - so I think the putrid black filth that oozes from The Boss' pores had been enough to finally drive her away... Lady D - I wish you all the best in life, wherever you may go!

The Color Test

2008-01-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

Ah - the Left Brain/Right Brain struggle. This was a fun link sent to me by a friend... The average person takes 5 tries to get to 100%.

THE COLOR TEST

FYI - I got 88% on my first try, and 100% on my second :-P

Crock Pot Steak Stew

2008-01-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

Being a work-at-home wife has it's benefits. I've recently begun to experiment with food in my Crock Pot Slow Cooker, and have come up with the most AMAZING recipe!

Here's a gift to my readers - STEAK STEW

Ingredients:
1.5 lbs - Steak (remove fat & cut into 1" chunks)
1 lb - Yellow Squash
1 lb - Potatoes (cut into 1/2" chunks)
2 Cups - Carrots (cut into 1/2" chunks)
1 Cup - Onion (cut into wedges)
4 Cloves - Garlic (less if you're not a big Garlic fan)
32 oz - Chicken Broth (gives a nice flavor)
8-12 oz - Can of Tomato Sauce
2 Tbs - Worchestershire Sauce
1 tsp - Ground Black Pepper
1 Tbs - Allspice (I LOVE "Old Bay" in this)
8-12 oz - Can of Peas
* I recommend using Low-Sodium & Organic ingredients to make this a healthier meal.

Cooking:
Put your cut meat, squash, onions, carrots, potatoes, and garlic into your slow cooker. Stir in Chicken broth, tomato sauce, canned peas, Worcestershire sauce, pepper, and allspice. Cover and cook on "High" setting for 4-5 hours - or "Low" setting for 8-10 hours.

Feel free to post a comment - and PLEASE let me know if you try this recipe and like it!!!

The Best of December - Horror Stories From Advertising

2007-12-29T18:37:00.000-08:00

I'm still playing catch-up! This month will bring the last two entries to get me caught so I only have to post my Horror Stories once a month after this.

Pretty-Boy was a young gentleman who got his job by being drinking buddies with my former supervisor (not The Boss). He was 23, from a fairly wealthy family, dropped out of college because he thought too many women had the hots for him and couldn't concentrate on studies, then had been kicked out of the military and lost his security clearance for getting in a bar fight and being stabbed (an argument over sex-appeal, ironically - and, yes, he told me the WHOLE story). Now working in advertising in any department is EXTREMELY demanding... it's a fast-paced industry that requires people who think and act quickly under stress. Don't go into advertising if you need direction in any shape or form, because most managers are too busy to wipe your ass for you, and don't mind firing you because there's a line 20 miles long of hopeful young college students that will try as much as you. Pretty-Boy believed that because he had an in with a manager he didn't have to work. Now in the department where I was training him, if you don't keep up with work throughout the day, you won't have time to catch up as 6PM approaches.

After the second time I caught him trying to check out porn pictures, I knew he had to go. The Boss, of course, is smitten with any good-looking guy that sweet talks her. It's a part of her overall self image problem, because she is very "troll-like" according to a friend who still works at my old company. The Boss desires attention from men to help her think she is attractive. Between her limited vocabulary that consists of mostly 4-letter words, crooked teeth, over sized muffin-top, fish lips, and overall bad attitude, one would think she had just enough intelligence (with a Masters Degree and all) to connect the dots and realize men kiss her ass because she is The Boss. Convincing her that Pretty-Boy had to go took much more than simply saying, "I caught him looking at porn," because I was told that I over-dramatize things.

So he continued coming to work in designer jeans (although company policy says jeans on Fridays only), and continued spending his days surfing the web, and his last day of training came & went. I moved back to my department upstairs and left his to his work. Day 1 alone - he fucked up every piece of paperwork being sent to stations. Day 2 - he didn't ship an URGENT package for a manager. Day 3 - he took a 3-hour lunch without telling anyone. Day 4 - The Boss comes to me to ask what kind of training I gave him. She and I went downstairs to talk to Pretty-Boy, and he assured The Boss that he listened, but had to learn his won way of doing things. She pulled paperwork off the printer to check his work and like the hand of God reached down and tore a hole in the ceiling to let in the light, she was holding a COMPLETED 20-page application for Deal or No Deal. "I'm so bored down here!" (Because I can't jack off to the porn I'm downloading over your network.) "What the fuck is this?" "I need this job! My parents are going to kick me out of their camper at the end of next week." (Yes, I live on my parents property in their camping trailer because they didn't want me in the house.) "What the fuck is this?" "You don't understand how my life is right now. I really need money!" (To pay my pot dealer and the hookers - being self-absorbed does have a cost!) "What the fuck is this?" "I have a modeling gig next week, and if it works out I will be making tons of money and won't need this job anymore!" The Boss walked out of the room. Pretty-Boy got fired that afternoon.

Now a short story about RJ - so nicknamed because she is obsessed with poop and Rim Jobs. Looking at her - she is the kind of young woman who could get away with a lot because she looks innocent. In reality, she's a sassy one - who comes out of her shell at a mention of something related to Feces. One day I was getting a box for shipping, and noticed the storage room had a foul odor. I asked her what had died in the vicinity - to which she replied, "I just dropped a foot-long in the bathroom! It took a whole pound off according to the shipping scale!"

Christmas Spirit

2007-12-20T08:08:00.000-08:00

I think a sure sign that the country is closing in on a recession is the lack of Christmas Spirit that's all around. No one has money in the bank, middle-class is no longer a true classification because so many families are living paycheck-to-paycheck because of the rising cost of living, and Retail Sales, Housing, Personal Loans, and Automotive Sales are all down nationwide.

Although the more I think about it - Christmas Spirit has long been vanishing. Of course there's a lack of Christmas Spirit - or any Holiday Spirit - because of the fucking Liberal Douche-Bags get offended by any sort of decoration unless it's perfectly neuter. Hey! I have an idea... Let's just decorate in Beige. It's a safe neutral color that really doesn't mean anything.

The following was written by Ben Stein, and I think it sums things up beautifully - check out the full story at SNOPES.

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I don't know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am subversive? Maybe, but I have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful, lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

Ah, Weekends!

2007-12-16T22:47:00.000-08:00

This weekend was perfect. My husband and I hid in the house like mole people - cooked meals together, made a huge batch of Christmas Cinnamon Sugar Cookies, and played video games. All weekend.

Two weeks ago we went to Washington DC for the weekend. A few days later my husband was called to fly out again - just four days after we had returned - for him to be featured as a presenter for an upcoming contract. Now we have 2 weeks of taking it easy before he travels again.

Fatherhood

2007-12-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

My husband found this online - a Demotivational-type picture. I immediately thought of you, Derek, and your want for an Xbox 360. I can see you and Max already...

The Best of November - Horror Stories From Advertising

2007-11-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

While I would love to share two stories as per the norm - I am actually going to write about a situation that spans several months...

November 2006 was a rough month. I had been in a new position at my company for a short time. The holidays are crazy - so I had not received any training besides how to use the computers - nothing about policies stations I worked with - nothing about who I could and couldn't speak to regarding certain situations - just "Here's a machine - here's how you enter work orders - welcome to the team. The day of the company Holiday Party 2006, just before I reached my 90 days in the new department - - I was having a meeting about a last minute situation regarding a "Snow Sale" when The Boss came stomping into my direct supervisors office (her ugly little midget clogs in all their glory) and began screaming at me. Apparently I had not learned via telepathy that there were newly restrictive cancellation policies with one of our station groups, so when I cancelled a schedule within the 2-week window (by 1 day) she received a call from the Sales Manager saying they would hold us to that 1-day of advertising (about $350 of spots on a $6,000 buy). I tried to remain calm, but when she began shaking her finger in my face I broke down crying. I tried to leave, but The Boss followed and continued yelling at me in front of the entire department… After several minutes of being shouted at for my incompetence (while in front of my peers), I said I needed to leave. As I walked out the office door, she simply said, “Don’t let this keep you from coming to the Holiday Party.” I went to the party, but was horribly uncomfortable all night.

Jump ahead to February - my company got back an advertiser that had been using a different agency for over a year because of a lack of creativity at my company (understandable - it can be hard to keep creative juices flowing when clients want a commercial to look like it was produced at a national level but for a budget of $300 - kind of restrictive). My direct supervisor and I didn’t want to keep the station pre-purchased spots that had been reserved by another agency because budgets were changing. Our alternative plan was to cancel the pre-books, and then place as needed for 2 months so we could get a feel for the buying load and pattern. That conversation being overheard by The Boss (who no longer wanted to be involved in the process and was working towards becoming an operations manager) said, and I quote: “Employees like you are a dime a dozen. If you are unhappy and don’t want to do things the company way, I can find someone to replace you in a heartbeat.” Talk about a vote of confidence when she hadn't been involved in anything on the account until that moment.

In April my husband and I had planned a trip to Washington DC to visit our close friends who had moved there less than a year earlier. The night before we left I worked until 1:00 in the morning to help The Boss with a project completely unrelated to my clients - basically saw her panicked and decided that since no one else would stay it was the least I could do before vacation. The Boss drove me home - and on the way said she thought I was burning out and that if I wanted to look for another job I didn't need to worry about her finding a replacement for me because there were tons of people waiting to work with her. (Really? Is your ego that big? Thanks for the pat on the back for everything I've done for you.)

So my husband and I decided on vacation that the time had come - If I was really that disrespected by a woman that I had given so many chances to redeem herself then I should just go. He couldn't bear to keep working with her when she had no understanding of what it means to have a loyal employee who is willing to forgive personality flaws SEVERAL times only to be humiliated repeatedly.

I am in business for myself now - and I have a beautiful hand-painted vase on my workbench which reads "Ashes of Problem Bosses" - to remind me that the worst is in the past. My husband left the company as well, started contracting for companies across the country, and is soon to be featured in a prominent technology magazine for his expansive knowledge that he was sharing with the old company at 1/2 the going consulting rate for our city.

Time With My Man

2007-11-14T14:33:00.000-08:00

Life gets in the way. My husband and I lived apart 5 months this summer because of his job - and it SUCKED. If I was anything like most people I know... the break would have been a relief. Most people are married for convenience - saving some money on rent, having a trophy to parade around your friends, resolution to an unexpected pregnancy.

People I consider my friends are not that way. They are married because they are in love and can't picture spending their lifetime without the person they are married to.

Personally, I am hopelessly in love with my husband. I have been since the day we met. He's loving, loyal, gentle, funny, friggin' handsome, and sometimes charming (yes, I said sometimes - because the rest of the time he's being funny). Most importantly - he makes me feel precious and treasured.

A few nights ago we bought some wine. We came home to have dinner and catch up on a couple programs we had saved on the TiVo. The first bottle of wine went fast - the second bottle even more so.

When we got to the third bottle we started talking. We snuggled up on the couch with a blanket and just talked... about nothing in particular. It felt like our first date again. We talked until 4 in the morning.

It's so good to have him home.

Vehicle For Sale

2007-11-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

Yep. With my husband and I both working from home - we don't exactly need a 2nd vehicle anymore. We've been testing things the last few weeks to see how it goes - and on any given day our Hybrid sits in the driveway... we've put on 10 miles since we both got back into town.

So if you know anyone who may be interested in buying a 2005 Ford Escape Hybrid please post a comment with your e-mail so I can send you the info. I'm not asking the Kelley Blue Book price (see link), and it has an amazing transferable warranty.

RSVP

2007-11-05T14:46:00.000-08:00

What does it mean?

Répondez S'il Vous Plaît

Yes. It's French. French sucks. Maybe that's why people get confused. Simply translated it means "PLEASE RESPOND". The only reason I write RSVP on my invites is to get a head count for providing ample food and beverage for the masses.

So to everyone who responded - I appreciate it. Thank you for confirming your plans to be there, giving me a maybe, or just saying the time wasn't right. I appreciate the sincere replies because those are what help me plan.

Overall I'd say the party was AWESOME! Halloween takes 4 weeks of decorating - between the haunted patio leading to the front door and then the obscene amounts of decoration inside - it is a project in itself. I plan a costume bash at the same time (contrary to one idiot's opinion that I do it to throw a party for my own birthday - it is actually our chance to have a gathering of friends that we may not get time to spend with as often as we'd like). Logistically it has sucked in years past... but this year I had help. Some of my friends who came to the rescue include:
-Collin, who let me use his drawings for the invite.
-Bartender Brant, who helped me sort our the liquor needs and then acted as my server the night of the party.
-Chris, who assisted with the decorating while my husband was out-of-state, then helped me load the keg and catering.
-Jed, who took care of all of the heavy lifting of tables.

So THANK YOU to everyone who helped. This year was an even bigger challenge with my home business booming, my former job sucking, and husband being out-of-state for several months. Of the 5 years I've had this shin-dig - this year I was relaxed and I felt prepared come the day of the party, and that is thanks to all of the help I got.

For those of you who confirmed, then later decided that instead of calling you'd just tell a friend of a friend that you wouldn't make it, or just not show at all - that's okay too. I had some left-over beer in the keg that will be used for cooking. Oh, and I won't be directing an invite your way again, jerks. CHEERS!

The Best of October - Horror Stories From Advertising

2007-10-26T17:31:00.000-07:00

Working for an unstable person makes for good times had by all.

Mustache Man - A guy who believes he is God's gift to advertising/events/women/golfers. Coming into the business - I was told by Mustache Man my first day on the job that I was working for a legend. He was a former Editor of Golf Digest, he had met 3 Presidents, had magazines with pictures of him and various models he had dated on the pages, and he bought a new Jaguar with cash every Christmas. I thought he was a fascinating person just because of what he had accomplished at the age of 48. The company was booming, we got huge cash bonuses every quarter (over $1,000), and life was good for all. We would leave work early every Thursday to go to a local night club for dinner and drinks - to discuss ideas to expand the business. After my first year at the company, Mustache Man decided to take the company profits and give each employee a chance to make something of their ideas. I was in charge of handling $250,000 of business for expansion purposes on my own (while continuing with graphic design, general advertising, media buying, and press releases for the entire company). Mustache Man handed an equal portion of the business expansion over to 2 other employees - a quiet woman who wanted to get into international rodeo events, and a woman who thought Hispanic advertising was the place to be. Worst-case scenario - we would break even on our expansions in the first year... He had never had anything less than that and he would still guide us in our ventures to protect his money.

The international rodeo events made a small profit as expected. My events were the money-makers for the year a mix of large-scale gaming conventions, concerts, and high-octane rodeos featuring the top PRCA & PBR riders only. The Hispanic advertising venture is what killed us. The $500,000 was gone thanks to a crazy lady who swindled the money into low-budget, low-attendance events and advertising. Mustache Man realized that giving the money to a new employee was his first mistake. The second was trusting that her translation of conference calls was honest and accurate (since she was the only person who could speak Spanish). The third was that he put up $750,000 which encompassed his business... and that even with profits from the other 2 expansion projects, there wasn't enough to cover for the losses on the Hispanic side.

He fired the crazy lady - and started asking business associates for money. When it was time for him to pay people back - he couldn't. He would rather see us get our paychecks and be hounded by angry investors than to see his employees not miss mortgage payments. He started drinking in the morning - taking muscle relaxers at lunch - and waking up with outrageous epiphanies at 4 PM. The remainder of my day would be spent transcribing his ramblings and sending faxes to people he knew 15 years earlier. A few months into our second year of business, my promotions were the only ones still in effect - and I was content with staying until the day he asked me to forge a signature. Mustache Man had been an honest manager up until that day... he had never asked me to break the law until that moment. I refused to forge the signature and gave my notice the next day.

All things considered - Mustache Man was still a better manager than The Boss.

October was the last month for me as an employee. I'm now in business for myself! The events that led up to my last day were filled with hilarity as always. The Boss had asked the employees in my department to come in and save her ass on a Saturday. While she didn't ask for this very often - her negative attitude and poor treatment of her employees led to everyone in the department refusing to come in. They all said, of course, that they had prior arrangements... but after work the story was:
"Why should I help when just the other day The Boss yelled at me for something I had nothing to with?"
"The last time I came in on a Saturday she spent the whole time gossiping and I was the only one working."
"I put in too much overtime already. I'd only get a free lunch and some cash for coming in - I'd rather hang out with my boyfriend."

I came in because my husband was out of town and really had nothing better to do. The Boss told me she expected me to work a full 8 hour day - which I had no problem with. I figured we would tackle a lot of the paperwork and be caught up for Monday if we worked together. I was there on-time and dove into the massive fuck-up that was caused by The Boss. She showed up an hour later, talked on the phone all morning trying to get a golf time booked, then left at noon saying, "It's my anniversary today. I'm going golfing with my husband." I was a bit miffed because I had worked late on my anniversary 2 years in a row, but I pressed on. I stayed late that Saturday - and fixed some serious flaws. Come Monday, The Boss was late to work in the morning (missed the Monday company meeting) - she yelled at me for not taking care of the paperwork on her chair, later apologized when she realized she had locked her door so there was no way for me to get to said paperwork, then left at 1:00 because it turns out Monday was her actual anniversary and she was going golfing again.

Crazy bi-polar lady.

Work Rage

2007-10-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

By the way - I am not just granting access to anyone who posts a comment. If I did that then creating a new site would be pointless.

In Due Time

2007-10-15T22:40:00.000-07:00

I've been taking notes... of all the juicy details. Tasty little tidbits to savor like an $80 bottle of wine.

You know you want to.

But I've decided that the next chapter of Conqueress will be private. People mistook posts here to be about them without considering that maybe they're not worth my time and that I may be writing about someone else from a different time. Get over it. Give people back access to the blogger community.

To be given a pass into the magical world of www.workrage.blogspot.com - post a comment now and be registered to my site.

FREEDOM!

2007-10-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

I can taste it!

Today was my anniversary at my company. Three years since the first day I walked in as a new employee. And now I'm just a few short days from the next chapter of my life.

Party Time

2007-09-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

The beginning of October marks my time to plan. The costume party that my husband and I host grows bigger every year.

2003 we had 12 people
2004 was up to 28
2005 grew to 45
2006 was 52

2007 scares me. It is our only big party every year, but if the steady growth is any indicator I think I have a lot more to worry about than enough food for this year. CHEERS!!!

The Best of September - Horror Stories From Advertising

2007-09-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Tar Heeled Ginger Kid - To make things simple we'll call her Ginger. This woman is shifty... like a toddler who has been hyped up on caffeine from drinking an entire pot of coffee. She has energy that oozes out of her pores - and is on a high so much of the day that it sucks the life out of the people around her. I think she has a crack habit - truthfully. Ginger came into the company a bitter divorcee who had to go back to work because the spousal support ran out. Initially she was out for blood - ready to prove her worth because she HAD to keep the job. She didn't get the proper training when she was hired - so she would bark orders at people when their job responsibility had nothing to do with her. Now if she had been more kind I'm sure more people would have been happy to help (IF being the operative word). She had fewer responsibilities than most of the employees that are 1/2 her age - and she still couldn't handle the light load. Even so - to prove her worth she requested to be in charge of the holiday committee. She bossed the holiday team around - ordered absolutely pointless gifts from an overpriced outlet company - and when everything came there were only 2 days to wrap the gifts and get them shipped out in time for Christmas. The Biscuit soon placed Ginger as a lead on one of the largest accounts in the company. The first month on the job an entire advertising campaign had to be moved back a WEEK because Ginger forgot to schedule production time. EVERY MONTH since Ginger was placed on the team - the campaigns have needed to be moved because of her.

She must be illiterate. The company had a parking lot resurfacing project... and NUMEROUS e-mails were sent saying when it would probably be happening and what employees could expect to see if they were at work the day the project started. The day comes - and the parking lot looks like a flight path - Caution tape blocking off the areas where the resurfacing is happening, signs directing people around the tar covered areas, everything was OBVIOUS. Ginger takes her happy ass right over the caution tape and past the signs and walks in a straight line through the tar to the building entrance and leaves her high-heeled foot prints on the pavement, on the carpets, and straight to her desk. A short time later one of the building maintenance guys walks around outside and sees the footprints on the sidewalk... so he follows the prints through the door, along the carpet, and to her desk like a how-to-dance booklet. He asks her, "Are these your footprints?" And while it was obvious they were Ginger's - he was hoping that maybe a station rep came into the building and just used her desk. Ginger said, "Yep - it looks like it. Maybe you should start cleaning that up." That stupid bitch. The prints still lead across the sidewalk, through the door, and to her desk. You can't exactly wave a magic wand and get out tar stains.

Prom For Little-Known-Unloved-Fat-Chicks - When I first learned of this event I thought it was too good to be true. It's like a blogger's wet dream. Jiggles is a girl who can't get her tiny brain beyond middle-school. She is a hateful person who is married to a loser who refuses to work. I tend to trust my first instinct when I meet people - and when I met her I sensed a looming evil... the kind that sucks light out of space like a Black Hole. Evil. I made it a point to avoid her from day one. There was a time when a group of us were planning a surprise Bridal Shower for a woman at our sister company, and we went on a shopping trip to buy party favors. As we were pulling out of the parking lot - Jiggles ran out and flagged us down, and then jumped into my vehicle. I didn't say much as we drove down the road. I just listened. The women were all talking about a recent shopping trip they had gone on and Jiggles said, "Well now you all know how I get such great deals... Just swap the tags from sale items and then you don't have to wait for markdowns." Wow... the woman gives me the creeps and she's a thief.

Six months later - I was walking through the Account Rep area one day when a group of women (the clique that give me a bad feeling) were gathered around Jiggles work station looking at pictures. As I went by I asked if everyone was having fun... and the group got quiet. I dropped off some paperwork to the department manager and as I passed a second time Jiggles said, "We're looking at pictures from Prom" and then they all laughed. I thought it was a bit stupid being out of high school 10+ years to be bringing in pictures from prom. I just went on by. Later that afternoon I got a call from my friend and spy in the department who explained everything. The group of gals had worked with a bunch of business associates around the city who had never gone to Prom in high school - to re-create the event for a bunch of adults. They rented out a conference room at the Holiday Inn, created a theme and ordered wine glasses to reflect the idea, and they decorated. Things get weird and twisted from there - they made the hotel put on the lighted sign "Welcome Elder High Prom". It was the made-up name they created since everyone was from all over the country and not one particular school. This event was planned so far out that they created small yearbooks for everyone who attended - and while these people were all married (many with children) the yearbook listed what famous people different women were married to - how many fictitious children these women had with said celebrities - where they were living and in how expensive of a mansion - with full pictorials done in Photo Shop. Talk about Desperate Housewives. It made me wonder what kind of dickless husbands these psychos were married to. My husband would have laid down the law if I had tried to get involved in something like this (not that I would because it's CRAZY). As I understand there were a lot of women who went without their husbands because the men simply refused. They hired a photographer to set up a cheesy backdrop - they hired a DJ to play a specific song list - they even had Prom King and Queen. What the fuck is wrong with this picture?

If this happens in my corner of the world - how many other sick idiots do this type of shit? Scary to think about. Oh! Jiggles got fired from the company shortly after Prom too. Such a shame.

Jeep Jamboree

2007-09-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

Fresh mountain air - Off-road Jeep driving above 13,000 feet - Got me away from the office and cellular coverage. I could do this every weekend!

Laugh Until It Hurts

2007-09-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness for friends. Today I had not one, but two fantastic bouts of hearty laughter. I laughed until I cried... once at lunch, and once at home. For as down-in-the-dumps as I've been lately, it felt so good to just let it out. I think the things that made me laugh today were not particularly any more funny than usual, but that I was more susceptible to just letting it all out.

Last night I had a long conversation with my brother, The Preacher. I told him I have been thinking about going back to my therapist lately. I handle life pretty well, but I have a hard time really talking to people... I really only feel like opening up when I'm paying someone to listen. No one needs to hear everything that's going on in my head, nor would most people care.

Talking to my brother helped me. While his love of God can be hard for me to understand, I am really proud of him and happy that he is following his dream. We talked about all the horrible things that are happening in society - people bringing children into the world but not wanting to sacrifice their personal lives.

My husband and I have been trying to begin our family, unsuccessfully, since January. I was pregnant... but didn't make it too far along. I tell myself the time wasn't right, anything to not feel hatred towards the woman who has tormented my life the last 3 years. Forgiveness isn't easy - especially when I make the choice every day to be kind, not scream at people, moderate my cussing, and do my job to the best of my ability.

I am afraid to bring a child into the future the world faces, but I feel obligated to prevent the stoopid people from making up 100% of the population. Someone needs to teach morals, someone needs to have faith in mankind, and someone needs to love. I love my husband more than anything in this world... and when we do conceive, my love will be for the family we are together. I don't wish ill on people - I pity anyone who can't feel love the way I do.

My brother listened - better than my therapist because he offered advice from his heart. I think I have a better understanding of why I feel like I do, and today it was easier to walk into work, smile throughout the day without forcing it, and really truly laugh out-loud.

The Best of August - Horror Stories From Advertising

2007-08-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong - I truly enjoy the people I've worked with. I just hate the pointless projects to amuse my supervisor (who I believe is bi-polar). This leads into my first story (and if you get offended - just quit reading my blog)...

The Boss decided that she was angry with my husband because he wouldn't return her calls in an emergency (never mind that she called from the generic office number and wouldn't leave a voice message). The servers had gone down because someone *cough*ITpeople*cough* had messed with the server settings, the IT people were too incompetent to figure out how to restore things after said changes were made, and everyone was looking to my husband to fix it remotely from his new job. The Boss cornered me after her 3rd try to call him, proceeded to yell that it was my fault my husband wasn't answering his phone, came to my desk every 10 minutes to see if I had found a way to contact him, and then talked shit about my marriage in the department for all employees to hear. I finally got to my husband via e-mail. He left a CLIENT PRESENTATION to be on the phone with the incompetent IT people at my company to bail them out.

But that's just what leads up to my story. The following day we had a scheduled business lunch, and on our drive there she informed me that I would no longer be working on her pet-project craft show account (which had NOTHING to do with our company). The Boss believed she was hurting my feelings because she said, "I know how much you like working on this account. But I just can't trust that you will continue to handle it with care since you will be leaving the company soon."

GOOD RIDDANCE! I was forced to give the client my cell phone number when The Boss was going out-of-town. The client called me nearly every weekend with stupid questions that had NOTHING to do with advertising, The Boss constantly changed her mind about what she wanted me to do with the advertising (3 EVENTS I changed the advertising after placing buys because she got a wild-hair up her ass - and 2 TIMES returned to the original buy after I made the changes). I was ready to be done with that account so much so that I nearly overcame my disgust towards her to give her a hug (nearly, mind you).

Funny thing was that while I was no longer to be involved with the account in any way - I still was on the phone with the client at The Boss' direction, I still placed the advertising, I was the contact for the stations regarding the advertising, I was responsible for the stations getting the commercials, I was responsible for negotiating the Newspaper ads... blah, blah, blah. Nothing changed at all. So lame. The only way to get out of the stoopid pet-projects of The Boss is to quit. Which I will be doing soon... and will be my own boss and a better person for it.

For my readers - I'm providing you a visual of the bane of my existence to help for future reference:

The Boss

Hehehe. Next I want to discuss NARCISSISM.

nar·cis·sism (noun)

1.	inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.

2.	Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

Some of the incompetent jackasses from the advertising agency I work for believe all of the stories contained on my blog were about them. There were multiple people who likened themselves to the same story on a few occasions. So much so that the company went to the length of blocking Blogger in all ways at the office.

Yes, I know you have a Master's Degree and are the epitome of all humanity, I know you are hateful and unforgiving, I know you can't sleep at night fretting over when your lies will catch up to you, I know you cheated on your husband with a client, I know you are a racist and a bigot, I know you drink at the office, I know you had an abortion, I know you had to bail your father out-of-jail, I know you have been fired from 3 different jobs for the same reason, I know so many things about so many of you. I won't name names, I won't name companies. I don't need to clarify if you are too dumb to not know the difference.

Are you really so self-absorbed yet bored that you feel the need to seek out stories to verify your existence in the eyes of others? I've been in the advertising workforce for over a decade. Can you honestly believe you are the only person/people I bother to write about? Get over yourself already.

Our next edition will bring you stories of Prom for Little-Known-Unloved-Fat-Chicks, and The Tar-Heeled Ginger Kid.

Twisting The Night Away

2007-08-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

As a little girl, I took dance lessons. I was a dancer for 15 years... Jazz, Tap, & Ballet. The last 4 years of my professional dancing, I was an instructor on the weekends. I LOVE letting my body express what I feel through the music. I stopped dancing in college because work and school ate up all of my time.

I'm back at it. This time I'm taking ballroom dance lessons once a week. For me it's exercise... shuffling around a floor to a beat is different than having a stage to myself, but I'm so happy to be back in classes again!

August was Fox Trot and Rhumba.
September is Waltz and Cha-Cha.

Hopefully with the diet I am going back on I'll be feeling like myself again soon!

Shameless Self-Promotion

2007-08-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

Click the picture above. Visit my shop... buy my stuff.

Post-Trauma

2007-08-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

Tired? Hell yes. I'm exhausted. Between packing, cleaning, day job, night job, pets, friends, and life... I have run out of time for myself. Ideally I would soak in the bathtub for 2 hours with a good book and a glass of wine when I feel like this. But of course, there's no time.

Angry? Sometimes. Heckling is a constant... and I'm facing it alone. Why can't adults behave like adults? Apparently harassment is OK when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and people know that about you. Still, I'd prefer to just be left alone instead of being treated like this.

Lonely? I wouldn't necessarily say that. My husband has been wonderful, and our friends have surrounded me with love & support. The animals seem to know I'm feeling a bit off just because I am bombarded at night the by fuzzy babies.

Sad? Always. Of course I laugh, and joke with people, but there's been some major loss in my life lately and no one needs to see that. Other people have enough of their own burdens to bear.

The Best of July - Horror Stories From Advertising

2007-07-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

Oh, you know you want to... read on for happy horror goodness.

As of August, I will have spent the longest consecutive amount of time employed at one company since I began working 14 years ago. Surprisingly it will be with the company that after my first week in this building, I wrote the the staffing agency : "These people are insane. I have never worked for a more immoral management team in my entire professional experience." Aside from my initial instincts, another telling sign that I should have run away was that the girl who was supposed to train me quit at lunchtime on the day I was hired. Later I found out she was in a recovery program for under-age alcoholics (19 and drunk all the time, yeah baby!). So the other gal and I made due... she had worked for the agency for 2 months, but was incredibly neurotic and should have probably been locked in a mental health facility. Sometimes she'd just scream for no reason then run into the bathroom with her purse and not come out for an hour. Sure enough she gets put in the hospital for drug-treatment... morphine being her vice of choice. I stuck it out as the staffing company rushed 4 more girls through the department. Finally, The Boss hired RJ through the recommendation of an account rep, and here we are nearly 2 years later still working hand-in-hand.

In all this time I have observed my company continue to use the staffing agency for all of their new-hire needs... and am in awe that they keep going back for more abuse. Our accounting department has had turn-over that I liken to a McDonald's during summer break. At last count they have flushed through 9 people to fill 4 positions since January. Through it all remains the department manager and a whiney little sausage-fingered troll (who shall further be called Frogger). Due to her commitment to the company, the accounting manager will not give Frogger further responsibility because she is in fear of losing her one long-staying employee. Sadly she is blind to the fact that Frogger is the reason everyone quits. "Um, I have all these pages from FedEx with daily totals, but I don't have the page showing the weekly total for all of them." "I know. Our printer broke and we had to wait for a replacement." "But how am I going to know the total for the week without that final page?" "You could use a calculator and make your own totals sheet using the numbers from the daily pages." "Yeah, but, well I guess I could do that even though I've never had to do it before." Are you that fucking stoopid? I can't get your pages from the weekly report because the file was lost when you were too lazy to TEACH yet another new hire how to pull your documents properly. NOT MY PROBLEM. "Also, I need someone to do an inventory count for me. I don't do that anymore." I guess Frogger's fat ass can't squat low enough to count up items in their shrink-wrapped packages of 10. OK, I'll do your job... which is the primary complaint of every new hire, by the way. "She won't teach me anything. She just complains to our manager that she's too overworked, then she spends the afternoon on MSN Messenger to her friends. She talks on the phone, takes 2-hour lunches, shows up to work late and leaves 30 minutes early every day! How can I take this job seriously when people get away with crap like this?" I just want to tell them that when a manager finds a pet, everyone else may as well not exist...

And speaking of favorites, let's talk again about Thongie. She is a manager's pet. Thongie has her head so far up the ass of her manager that the woman craps rhinestone earrings on a daily basis. Having been a manager before coming back to Advertising, I think it is good for employees and managers to spend time out of the office together once or twice a year just for the sake of team-building. What is happening with Thongie and her manager is just plain unprofessional for any office environment. Recently, Thongie's manager had a sleep-over for just the two of them while the manager's husband was out-of-town. Now no one would have known except Thongie made it a point to brag at a team-building event recently. This week Thongie has been giggling around the office that she has been invited to the manager's private Jewelry Party this weekend... and Thongie is the only one to be invited from the building. All 13 other people in Thongie's department working under that manager know about it and don't fucking care. Early July everyone was thinking Thongie would get fired because she has used up all her sick time and vacation time with random thought-up illness, and of course she wasn't working more than 30 hours a week because she's special and doesn't need to. As of today, the entire department has lost all respect for Thongie and the manager... they look like members of a private asshole club that no one else cares to join.

Community Service

2007-07-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

My latest venture is a fund-raiser for a local charity - - I'm taking it on as part of an event I organized. I thought that with the traffic I am going to be generating this weekend it would be nice to raise some money for an organization in need.

For anyone who is interested in participating, please feel free to give me a call and I'll let you know who you can make your tax deductible donation check to, and you can drop it in the mail or by my house. Every little bit will help this local charity!

Getting Out

2007-07-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

I love going to the Festivals! Get out in the fresh air, eat some fried foods, and shop for entirely overpriced stuff. Knowing that I'm moving, I spent entirely too much money this weekend.

Last week I spoke to a painter at the Renaissance Festival - who's work I have admired for years. Truly, the only justice anyone can do in buying her prints is if they buy them on canvas because her work is AMAZING. It just so happened that last week I had a chance to speak to her and tell her what a huge fan I am of her art... and we talked for awhile about my art background, her dragon interpretations, and the weather. Finally, I got around to asking about her latest sgraffito which featured a GIANT dragon with tiny little kittens crawling all over it. She said that cats and dragons to her are alike in mystique and grace - - and truly are similar creatures by legend.

The picture was black & white - hiding the kitties from view until at first. I love her colorized dragons, but that piece was what I wanted to buy.

"Well, if you want, I can colorize the design for you. It will be a one-of-a-kind, but I think that would be appropriate for someone who is such a fan to have in their home."

I was speechless... She asked for a week to complete her work, and said it would be ready for me on July 7th.

The sgraffito is absolutely amazing. Check out "Nine-Lives" via the link below...

Thank you NANCY!!!

The Best of June - Horror Stories From Advertising

2007-06-30T21:17:00.000-07:00

June was a month to remember for certain... as temperatures rise, so to tempers, and everyone is angry. Angry about the amount of money they make. Angry about the size of their raise. Angry about the person who said something that came across the wrong way to another person and resulted in a yelling match behind closed doors that made other people feel upset. I'm just tired of all the bitching.

Fireball - Yes, she's at it again! The anger and fury that is her personality has led to many dramatic changes in her little universe of hatred. I am in constant amazement of what people will put up with all because the Fireball is "just that way" in her behavior. If I had even one day of acting like she does as a lifestyle my ass would be looking for another job. Now, with all the things I do to help cover everyone else's butt, I can't catch everything that slips through the cracks. In early June a client had a campaign scheduled to start... but no one on the account thought to deliver the spot information to anyone within the building. No one e-mailed scripts. No one faxed instructions. No one called to get the information. It was as though the client just didn't exist for the month. To help correct the situation, several options were researched for getting the packages to the necessary stations in the same day, then as the ladies were coming to present her with the options, she shouted over the department, "TALK ONLY TO ME, PLEASE!" Funny that the gals were simply walking over to her cubicle, not really talking about anything. I wanted to say, "Don't be so angry at the world, little ball of fury. It is no one's fault but your own that your husband has left you. Just because he's not around anymore doesn't mean you can take out your aggressions on your co-workers." Instead, I watched... I like to do that. I like to learn people's breaking points and store up the information for a sunny day.

Greasy - This woman only works part-time. On the one or two days a month she visits, she comes in with stringy, greasy hair with bloodshot eyes that would make a pot-head envious. She is an over-paid, under-worked stay-at-home mom who procrastinates over her paperwork every month until the night before she needs to come in to turn in everything... so she stays up overnight, doesn't shower, and makes it look like she is truly more wigged out than necessary. We had a monthly meeting to touch base about an account I work with her on, and she pitched a fit that there wasn't anyone to make copies of her paperwork for her. She proceeded to tell the group of us in the conference room that she should be assigned an assistant on the days she plans to come in so she doesn't have to use the copy machine herself. She then turned to me and asked, "Can your house guest come in to work to make her copies for me tomorrow?" I responded with, "If you're willing to pay my guest to come to work on her vacation I'm sure she'd be happy to come in." The reply was, "As if! I never have to pay Panic Attack's kid to make copies for me, why should I have to pay for your house guest to come in?" I simply responded, "Because she is in town on vacation." Does she want the fucking planet on a silver-platter to cater to her every whim when she doesn't plan to DO HER JOB?!?

God am I getting sick of these people.

Being Replaced

2007-06-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

I knew the time was near... My husband has moved across the country, I am soon to follow, and my duty at work now is to train my replacement. My training regimen is as follows:

#1 - Convince RJ to go to lunch whenever you need a gossip update about the Account Executive department.
#2 - Only poop in the bathroom by the shipping department because you can lock the door and take care of business in private.
#3 - Keep a camera phone on-hand at all company events because the images you catch on film will give you giggles the rest of your life (and maybe even make you wealthy).

My greatest sadness is that I will no longer be around to take my Art Guys to lunch anymore on my Taco's behalf. That's something that can't be taught to anyone... and no one is as cool as me to do that job anyway.

My Life - Silver Screen

2007-06-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...

Opening Credits:
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem - Kenny Chesney
Waking Up:
Ode To The Lonely Heart - Sugar Ray
First Day at School:
Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Eiffel 65
Falling in Love:
If She Knew What She Wants - Bangles
Fight Song:
I Ran (So Far Away) - Flock of Seagulls
Breaking Up:
Move This - Techtronic
Prom:
Vogue - Madonna
Mental Breakdown:
If This Is It - Huey Lewis & The News
Driving:
Come Go With Me - Del Vikings
Flashback:
Back Where I Come From - Kenny Chesney
Getting Back Together:
Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-A-Lot
Wedding:
Digging For Gold - Chris Gaines
Birth of Child:
Time Is On My Side - Rolling Stones
Final Battle:
Dancin' Shaggin On The Boulevard - Alabama
Death Scene:
I Hope You Die - Bloodhound Gang
Funeral Song:
Mi Gusta Vivr De Noche - Los Tucanes
End Credits:
Where I Find My Heaven - Gigolo Aunts

*LMAO - Okay... that was way fun. Some lined up just perfectly... others made me tear up laughing - Thanks Heather!!!